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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29140401">Taken</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSweetCheeks/pseuds/LittleSweetCheeks'>LittleSweetCheeks</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Madam Secretary</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abduction, Angst, Fear, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 12:00:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,442</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29140401</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSweetCheeks/pseuds/LittleSweetCheeks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>She had no idea who he was, but now she was at his mercy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>202</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roger watched from his spot tucked behind the wall, waiting for <em>her</em> to come down to her car. It was early and cold; his breath was visible with every exhale and he shivered against the wind that blew along the river. He checked his watch… Any minute now.</p><p>The elevator slipped open on the far side of the garage. Over the cars, he could just make out the top of her head as she stepped out and began walking his way. Her parking spot was by the exterior wall, he wondered if she disliked that, having to park so near the exterior of the structure, but he was happy about it. It had made it so much easier to check on her, watch her.</p><p>She was wearing the hat and scarf he’d sent her, his heart soared. He’d spent so much time picking gifts he knew she’d love. He didn’t show himself yet, it was too soon. He’d watched her long enough to know she was skittish, untrusting of strangers. He had to be patient.</p><p>At her car, he watched her open the driver’s side door and lean in, dropping the bags she carried on the far seat. It was his perfect opportunity.</p><p>Stepping around the post, Roger made himself known. “Nadine, so good to see you wearing the scarf and hat.” When she straightened up and faced him, he smiled. “Wouldn’t want you to get cold.”</p><p>She didn’t smile, but he figured he’d have to remind her of who he was. “I’m sorry, have we met?” Her hands were on the car, one on the door and the other on the frame and Roger thought she rarely looked more beautiful.</p><p>His smile fell away. “I’m the one who sent you all those gifts, which you so gladly accepted.” He saw her shiver and stepped closer, blocking some of the harsh wind. “I really should get you out of the cold. Wouldn’t want someone as precious as you getting sick out here.”</p><p>She didn’t reply, didn’t look relieved to have someone caring for her, but he caught as she swayed and reach out, taking her by the arm.</p><p>“I’ll take you somewhere warm.” He pulled her to his chest. “I promise you’ll be safe with me.”</p><p>Her eyes went wide as she pushed against him. “I’m- I’m fine. I need to get to work.”</p><p>Roger cupped her face. “I’ll take care of you for the rest of your life.” She pulled back, so he wrapped an arm around her, guiding her toward his van. “You’ll be warm and safe, and I’ll shower you with anything you could ever dream of.” Once he had her in the van, he bound her wrists. Now that he had her, there was no point in letting her try and run away. “I saw that sad look on your face that day, how heartbroken you looked. You’ll never be sad again.”</p><p>Sliding the door shut, Roger took a moment to look back at the building he’d rescued her from, that place where she’d had to live alone for years. Uncared for, unloved.</p><p>She’d never have to worry again, because now Nadine Tolliver belonged to him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roger checked the thermostat and then returned to the bedroom. “I’ve set it nice and warm; I couldn’t help but notice over the past few months how easily it seems that you get cold.” He crossed the room, sitting on the edge of the bed where she was curled. “I’m not going to hurt you, Nadine. I just wanted to get to know you better. I realized the first time we met just how shy you are around other people, so I made a place where you can feel comfortable talking to me.” He reached out for her, but she pulled back, eyes wide. He felt insulted by the move, angry, and snatched her by the hair, yanking her close again. “I said I wouldn’t hurt you!”</p><p>“You are!” Her voice trembled as she squeezed her eyes shut, her entire body rigid.</p><p>Roger instantly released her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He cooed, petting her head. “Now, I’m leaving your hands tied up right now because I have to go out for a bit. Someone has to work to afford our life, after all. Everything you need is here, though, okay?” He pointed through an open doorway. “There’s a bathroom through there and I’ve stocked that little fridge with water and a sandwich. It’s your favorite.” He smiled, pleased that he could already cater to her needs so well. “I’ll be back this evening.”</p><p>She didn’t answer him. He watched as her eyes took in the room. He’d taken a lot of care in decorating this room just for her, picking paint colors and furniture he thought she’d like.</p><p>Deciding she must be tired and that was why she wasn’t bidding him goodbye, Roger pulled her face to his, kissing her hard, before leaving the room, pulling the door shut and latching the line of locks on the outside. He had to keep her safe.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Pushing the car door shut, Blake exchanged a look with Jay over the top of his car. The Secretary had sent both of them on this mission just in case. Just in case of what, they didn’t want to think too hard about. Nadine not turning up for work or answering any of their phone calls or text messages was worrying to say the least. Worrying thoughts swirled through his head of them getting inside her place and finding her badly injured or seriously ill… or worse.</p><p>“Got the key?” He understood the nervousness in Jay’s voice. Jay had been jumpy the whole ride over, but had barely said a word.</p><p>Holding the silver key up on a Minnie Mouse keychain, Blake led the way to the front of the building. He’d not been to Nadine’s place before, none of them had, but he wasn’t surprised at the building with its layered security that they’d both had to show their State IDs to get past. The guard assured them, though, that Ms. Tolliver had left early that morning as usual.</p><p>Up the elevator, they found her unit. Glancing at Jay again, he turned the key in the lock. “Here goes nothing.”</p><p>Stepping into the condo, Blake slowly looked around, half listening as Jay passed him and called out for Nadine. He checked the kitchen, breakfast dishes and a mug drying by the sink, the coffee maker cool. All signs she’d gone through her normal morning routine. Nothing looked out of place, there were no messes or broken items. It didn’t look like there’d been any kind of crisis that he could see.</p><p>“She’s not here.” Jay sighed, joining him in the kitchen. “Her briefcase and handbag are gone, no phone or keys.” He looked around. “I don’t see her gray coat either.”</p><p>“So, she left for the day like the guard said.”</p><p>“Do we go look for her car? I mean- do we try and follow her steps?” He turned, lifting one hand. “How do we even start that? Assume she takes the most direct route?”</p><p>He had no idea. “She never turns up at work with a coffee from anywhere.”</p><p>“So… Parking garage?”</p><p>“I suppose.” He headed for the door again, locking it behind them. “Do we admit to her we snooped in her place or just pray she never finds out?” He was trying to lighten a mood that felt heavy for some reason.</p><p>Jay chuckled.</p><p>In the garage, they wove between parked cars in the direction security had pointed them to. “She parks out by the open sides?”</p><p>Jay twisted around, looking at the cars. “I’m surprised she, of all people, is fine with that. She told me once she gets accosted by people trying to get to the Secretary-”</p><p>“We all do.”</p><p>“Yeah, but how many people get rough with you?” That caught Blake’s attention. Jay nodded. “I found out one night. I’d forgotten Chloe’s bunny and had rushed back to my office. She was working on paperwork with her jacket off and there were dark handprints on her arms like this.” He wrapped one hand around his own bicep. “She was pretty vague about it, but I guess it was some guy who you were stonewalling. They caught her somewhere the night before and things got a little physical.” Jay stopped walking. “This is bad.”</p><p>Blake looked as well. They were standing at the back of Nadine’s car, there was no doubt, and the driver’s side door was standing open, keys on the seat. “We need to call the FBI.”</p><p>“Not local PD?”</p><p>“Secretary of State’s Chief of Staff abducted? There’s a real good chance they’ll demand a ransom.” He turned in place, looking for some sign of where she might’ve been taken. He was really hoping for a neon sign that read <em>‘this is who took Nadine</em>’.</p><p>Jay was already on the phone with someone at the FBI. He met Blake’s gaze. “Someone needs to call the Secretary and let her know.”</p><p>That was one phone call he was not looking forward to making.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nadine stared angrily at the door. Clearly this man had planned on leaving her on her own- the window had an expanded metal grate over it so she couldn’t bang on or break the glass, not that she could see anything but trees outside, and the door was tightly locked. She had freedom to move around the warm room, except her hands were still secured in front of her body. He’d removed her coat and blazer as well as her shoes and in the early January weather, she wouldn’t get far without something to keep herself warm.</p><p>What confused her, what worried her, was that he’d left to go to work. She’d never known someone looking for a ransom to leave their hostage so casually like this. In all the hostage negotiations she’d ever been involved in resolving, captors kept close eyes on their hostages. They also rarely allowed their hostages to see their faces so they couldn’t be identified later. It made her worry that she wasn’t a political hostage at all… And if she wasn’t a hostage, there would probably be no leads for anyone to follow to find her.</p><p>Was anyone even looking for her yet? She’d been searching every inch of her prison for quite some time already.</p><p>She checked her watch; it was already creeping into afternoon. Surely her coworkers and the Secretary had questioned her being MIA by now. Did they try to call and leave messages for her? Did they wonder if she’d simply had an emergency and respected her privacy as she so often demanded? Her stomach growled and she glared at the small fridge and the sandwiches the man had told her were there. There was no way she could eat anything he gave her, it could all be drugged… or poisoned.</p><p>Pacing the room, she debated. The water bottles didn’t look tampered with either, but with the ways people created now to hurt one another, she just couldn’t be sure. The best option, for now at least, was to not accept anything at all from him.</p><p>=MS=</p><p>Shortly after six, her captor returned, she wondered what he did for work. Where had their paths crossed? He clearly believed they should know one another. He didn’t look like a State employee, but then, she had no way of knowing all of them. The reality was she barely knew everyone in the building on sight, she simply didn’t interact with them often enough.</p><p>She climbed back on the bed and curled up against the top, watching when he finally entered the room.</p><p>“Did you have a good day, my love?” He checked the fridge. “You didn’t eat anything.”</p><p>“I wasn’t hungry.”</p><p>She’d worried that would anger him but instead he looked…sad for her. “Too nervous about starting our new life?” He left the uneaten food and sat on the bed, dragging her into his arms despite her attempts to stay put. “You’ll settle in soon enough. Tell me… Did you like those Christmas gifts? I spent a lot of time picking them out.” She tried to fight against his hold, but he held her tight. He was much stronger than she was and it made her start to panic. If he could hold her down so easily, he could do anything to her.</p><p>“Y- yes. I did.” He had a fistful of her hair now. She forced her body to remain as still as possible so he wouldn’t rip it out. “Can I- Can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“You know my name, but I don’t know yours.” It was one of the lessons of interrogation, of negotiation, get then talking. People would talk willingly about themselves and reveal their weaknesses. That knowledge was a small part of why she often said very little.</p><p>The question seemed to please him. “Roger. Did you forget? I told you my name when we first met.”</p><p>She had to force the hardness out of her voice. It was too much of a challenge. Instead, she aimed for sounding small, scared. “I- I’m so sorry. I meet so many people.”</p><p>“That’s okay.” He kissed her and she tried not to pull away. “We have the rest of our lives to get reacquainted.”</p><p>“The- the rest of our lives?” Did that mean he really wasn’t looking for a payday? <em>She</em> was the prize.</p><p>“Of course. And this won’t be forever, one day I’ll let you have the run of the whole house. I just can’t risk you running away before we get used to living together.” Roger stood, patting her thigh, letting his hand rub up her leg. “That reminds me, I got you something more comfortable to sleep in.” He left the room, returning much too quickly for her to get a good look through the doorway with something black and silky in his hand. “I’ll help you put it on.” He held up fresh zip cuffs, scissors, and a gun. “But we’ll have to change your cuffs. Now, do you want to shower first?”</p><p>The idea of him leering at her as she tried to bathe made her stomach turn. She’d already noticed there was no curtain on the tub. “Not tonight.”</p><p>“Do you prefer morning showers then?”</p><p>“Usually, yes.”</p><p>“I’ll set my alarm accordingly then.” His hands went to the buttons of her slacks and she kicked out, forcing him back. He moved closer and she kicked out again, only for him to catch her foot, twisting her leg outward. “Don’t fight me!” He aimed the gun at her foot. “I’ll make it so you never walk anywhere again.”</p><p>“Okay! I’ll stop!” She cowered on her back on the mattress. When he started undressing her again, she laid completely still, not daring move at all. It was the first bit of violence toward her and she feared he really would follow through on it. She didn’t want to slowly bleed out here.</p><p>Once she was naked from the waist down, he aimed the gun at her again. “I’m going to cut the cuffs so you can undress and pull the nightgown on. Do anything stupid and this will just end right here, understand?”</p><p>Nadine nodded.</p><p>“Give me your hands.” He reached out, using his left hand to snip the cuffs. “Hurry up.”</p><p>As fast as she could, Nadine undressed and pulled on the thin nightgown. A chill brushed across her exposed flesh.</p><p>“Put the new cuffs on and pull them as tight as you can. I’ll check them once you’re done.”</p><p>Complying, she recuffed herself, wincing when he overtightened them. Her skin was already red from wearing them all day.</p><p>“Those aren’t forever.” He forced another kiss. “Now, for tonight I’ll sleep in my room up the hall, but I can’t wait until you’re ready for me to sleep in here with you. I can’t wait to be able to hold you against my body all night long.” Roger stood again, gathering her old clothes and the supplies he’d brought in plus the uneaten sandwiches. “Sleep tight.”</p><p>And like that, Nadine found herself alone once again; locked away in this tiny room. It appeared he had no intention of offering her dinner, not that she planned on eating it. As darkness took over the room, Nadine realized the only thing she had to keep warm now was a thin sheet.</p><p>Shaking against the chill and against the fear of what tomorrow held, she curled as tight as she could to preserve body heat.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jay listened as the FBI agents asked them all so many questions about what they knew about Nadine, her personal life, her friends and family. It frustrated him to no end! Nadine had always been intensely private and guarded, perhaps a result of her years-long affair, with her private life and not a one of them knew much of anything about her once she walked out that door.</p><p>“Any new relationships? Admirers? Anyone new in her life?”</p><p>The rest of the staff all shook their heads.</p><p>“Wait!” Jay straightened in his chair. “The twelve days of Christmas.” When they all looked at him like he’d grown a second head, he tried to elaborate. “She’s been getting gifts. From an admirer, she didn’t know who. Nothing was overly personal, but all of it was to her taste like someone had taken the time to get to know her. There was never a note about who they were.”</p><p>“How’d you know this?” The Secretary asked.</p><p>“I made it a point to be nosey every day and see what she got. Maggie always dropped them off to her. Nadine was nervous about the gifts, but I told her…” His voice dropped, now ashamed that he’d brushed off her concerns. “I told her it was no big deal and to enjoy the attention.”</p><p>“You couldn’t have known.” Matt offered. “Who gets a gift and thinks crazy stalker?”</p><p>“Me.” Daisy answered at the same time the Secretary did.</p><p>“And Nadine did too.” Jay fisted one hand in anger at himself.</p><p>Matt rubbed his forehead. “Men are such dicks.”</p><p>“So, she could’ve had a stalker.” The agent confirmed. “We’ll check that angle right away.”</p><p>“We still can’t rule out being snatched for some political purpose.” The Secretary jumped back in. “It’s not out of the realm for that to still be the case.”</p><p>“It’s been a day, Ma’am, there’s been no threat, no request for payment, nothing… There’s a good chance our suspect has what he wants, so he’s not going to reach out at all. But… we aren’t ignoring any leads. We’ll do our best to find her.”</p><p>The agents all eventually excused themselves from the conference room and the team sat in silence, all of them thinking about Nadine.</p><p>“How do we do this job without her?” Matt finally asked.</p><p>“The way she’d want it done.” Elizabeth looked over all of them. “We aren’t going to forget about her, but we still have work to do and we all know she’d push us to buck up and keep moving.” Her fingers drummed on the table. “We’re her family, that’s not changing whether it takes a day to get her back or years.”</p><p>“I hope it’s not years.” Daisy said to her notepad. “I’m not sure I could handle it if it was years.”</p><p>=MS=</p><p>Turning the last lock, Roger opened the bedroom door, checking to see where his Nadine was, surprised she was still asleep. Crossing the room, he ran his hand along her side, pulling back when she instantly pulled away, rolling so her back was to the far wall. “Come on.” He grabbed her ankle, pulling her back again. “Shower time.”</p><p>“I- I’m fine.”</p><p>“Nope.” He grabbed her arm, hauling her off the bed. “I need to get to work.” Walking her to the bathroom, he placed his gun on the vanity. “I’ll cut the ties for you to shower, but no funny business.” Nadine’s entire body shook, but he didn’t ask if she was cold. Instead, he freed her wrists and gestured to the shower. “Go on. There’s a bit of soap there in the ledge. The hot water doesn’t really work.”</p><p>As she finally stripped naked and stepped in, he leaned against the wall to watch and wait.</p><p>Determined to keep some level of modesty, Nadine faced the wall as she cleaned up. Her wrists were already raw and the soap stung them. She had no clue what his plan was for her next, his eyes on her made her heart pound in her chest.</p><p>Once she’d washed enough, she cut the water, looking around for a towel and only finding a threadbare one now dumped on the sink. She shivered, a combination of the decreasing temperature in the room and the cold water.</p><p>“Hurry up, I have to go.” Roger yanked her out of the tub, making her cry out as she nearly fell. “Put this back on and give me your wrists!” He grabbed the towel and threw the nightgown at her again.</p><p>The moment she had it on, he tightened cuffs back into place. She was only superficially dry, her hair still hung wet down her back and shoulders, and he hadn’t given her back her underwear. She’d never felt more exposed and vulnerable in her life.</p><p>“I’ll be back tonight. I’ve put your lunch in the fridge again.”</p><p>Nadine nodded as she stumbled back to the bed. The thin fabric of what she was wearing was already getting soaked from the water in her hair. Silently, she watched the door shut and listened to the locks being put into place.</p><p>=MS=</p><p>“Jay!” Elizabeth’s shout brought him up short. “You have to compartmentalize.” She carried on once he turned back around.</p><p>“How?!” He fisted his hands again. “This is my fault, Ma’am. I didn’t take her concerns seriously when she voiced them and now some madman might have her and it’s been twenty-four hours and the FBI have no leads.”</p><p>“I understand your frustrations, Jay-”</p><p>“Do you?”</p><p>“Jay… We must let the FBI do their jobs and we must carry on doing ours. It’s only been twenty-four hours.”</p><p>“She could be dead already. She could be flown to some country who needs her for leverage! We could be sitting here waiting for a video to upload on the internet of her losing her head!”</p><p>“You can’t think that way.” She frowned at him. “Why don’t you take the day-”</p><p>“You need someone here to fill in for Nadine, Ma’am.”</p><p>“I’ll be fine.” She sat in her chair. “Jay? We’ll get her back.”</p><p>He started to turn away and hesitated. “You can’t be certain of that, Ma’am.”</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Back to the wall, Nadine stared blankly at the door as she’d been doing for days now. She didn’t have enough energy to try and spend yet another day searching for a way to freedom. It was getting hard to remember how long she’d been trapped with Roger, since he’d taken her watch on day two… or was it three… time had lost some of its meaning to her. Methodically, she’d covered every inch of the room, had spent days trying to get the grate off the window or the door to somehow budge, but it’d all been for naught. It was always the same, Roger watched her shower each morning and then left her alone until evening.</p><p>Her stomach growled, angry over not being given anything more than occasional sips of water from the bathroom tap. She wondered if it was a bad sign she was no longer shivering. The first day Roger had kept the room warm, but then had let it grow colder as the days passed. The chilly air mixed with the cold showers that she was barely able to get properly dry from left her concerningly unable to feel her fingers or toes anymore. It felt like her hair and the nightgown were never able to fully dry. She felt numb. The cold, the sores on her wrists, nothing really felt <em>real </em>anymore. It all felt like some nightmare she’d never wake up from.</p><p>Drawing a deep breath, she turned and pushed herself to her feet, managing three steps before dizziness made her stumble and then crash to the floor. Her wrists were still bound, so she had no way to catch herself, landing hard on her shoulder, sending pain radiating through her body.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Daisy placed the paper bag of food in the middle of the conference room table. “There was a creep at that store.” It’d been over two weeks since they’d last seen her and out of some desperate attempt to feel closer to Nadine, she’d driven across town to their friend’s favorite little restaurant to pick up lunch.</p><p>“He say something to you?” There was an edge to Matt’s voice. They were all more aware of the weirdoes around them now.</p><p>Daisy shook her head. “No. He didn’t even come in. I was waiting on the food and he stared at me through the window.” She shivered. “Made my skin crawl.”</p><p>“That is creepy.” Jay agreed, digging for his meal.</p><p>“I mentioned it to the manager, figured it was important for them to be aware of people who made their customers uncomfortable, right? The manager said the dude’s normally a regular and, yeah, customers complained. He had no idea why the guy didn’t just come in. I guess he’s there almost every day.”</p><p>=MS=</p><p>Roger loved seeing her in the little black nightgown he’d bought, so he left her in it full time. Entering her bedroom after work, she was right where she’d been every day- in the bed, curled on her side. “Honey, I’m home!” He greeted cheerfully as he crawled on the bed, spooning against her back. When she jerked away, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. “Don’t be like that. I was going to tell you about my day. I really like going to that little bistro we met at, you know. But when I got there, I couldn’t go in. There was that woman there you work with, the nosey one from TV. She was waiting on an order I think, but I didn’t want her to see me. Now… Why would she suddenly get lunch there, hm? I’ve never seen you take her there.” Nadine was rigid in his arms. “I worried she might be looking for you, do you think your former coworkers are worried about you?”</p><p>“I- I don’t know… Maybe- maybe I should write them a letter and tell them I’m okay? Tell them not to worry?”</p><p>Roger sat up, forcing her onto her back, his hand pushing on the nasty bruise still marring her shoulder. He tried to read her face, but it was blank. “You are trying to trick me.” He grabbed her by both shoulders, making her cry out in pain before slamming her into the mattress where she whimpered. “You are trying to trick me!” Her meekness was something that’d drawn him to her, the way she’d always looked so skittish and almost shy when he’d watch her on the streets. When he’d first brought her home, she’d been angry, defiant, he hadn’t liked that, but now… Now her meekness was returning.</p><p>Lifting her off the bed, he slammed her back again, a grin blossoming at the way the whimpering carried on.</p><p>“No. No I’m not. If- if you want them to not look for me, you have to let me assure them I’m okay.”</p><p>“I’ll think about it.”</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Ma’am, you asked to be kept up to date on the investigation into Ms. Tolliver’s disappearance.” The FBI agent stood in her office.</p><p>“You have something new?” She was as frustrated as the rest of her staff at how slowly things had been moving.</p><p>“I understand it feels slow, but we’ve been canvassing every possible lead on this. I believe we are safe in ruling out foreign actors, we’ve expanded our search to ports of entry with Mexico and Canada as well as airports along the eastern seaboard and our best estimation is she’s still within the United States.”</p><p>“But you have no idea where.”</p><p>“No, Ma’am.”</p><p>“Is that all?” Her voice was flat.</p><p>“We discovered something on a second canvas of the buildings surrounding the parking garage, a teenager in her building frequently leaves his webcam on, a problem that normally irritated his parents, but we got a slight break. His window overlooks the street on that side of the building and at the approximate time we believe the abduction happened there had been a gray van sitting across the street for several hours. A single man walked someone to the side door of the van and helped them in and then left quickly. There are no faces and it’s too far and blurry to catch any identifying markers, but it’s our best lead.”</p><p>“In nearly a month, that’s your best lead?”</p><p>“Ma’am… It could help us narrow down the intent of the person who’s done this.”</p><p>“But you’re not sure it’s her.”</p><p>“No, Ma’am.”</p><p>“I want to see the footage.”</p><p>“I’m not certain that’s a good idea.”</p><p>“I was a CIA analyst for twelve years. I know how to analyze crappy footage. I want to see it.”</p><p>He drew a breath, steeling himself as he opened his laptop. “I don’t want to get your hopes up.”</p><p>Elizabeth waved at her desk. “Start it.”</p><p>The footage was worse than he’d let on. The camera was pointed at the window in the boy’s otherwise dark room and the only reason they could see through the thin navy curtain was because of how bright the sun had been that morning. But there, at the bottom of the screen, was a figure with his arm around a woman, pushing her into the back of the van.</p><p>“That’s Nadine.”</p><p>“You can’t be certain of that-”</p><p>“I am certain. If you’d…” She paused, calming herself, fingers jabbing into her desk surface. “This is a woman I’ve worked next to, <em>walked</em> next to for years. Trust me when I say I don’t need footage clearer than that to tell you with all certainty… that’s Nadine.”</p><p>“We still have no idea who the man is or any way to further identify the van.”</p><p>“There really were no cameras in the garage?”</p><p>“Ms. Tolliver’s parking space was in a blind spot and it looks as if the suspect took advantage of that.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“I am sorry we don’t have better news, Ma’am. But we are confident this is still a domestic situation unrelated to the job. Chances are good he won’t kill her until he’s gotten whatever he wants from her and from what I’ve gathered in our interviews, she’s incredibly smart-”</p><p>“She’s brilliant.”</p><p>He nodded. “. I’m told she’s familiar with all the hostage and captive protocols that are used. That… could save her life. It’s exceedingly rare that we are searching for someone who could possibly help us from the inside. She may be aware enough to buy herself time until we find her.”</p><p>“It’s been almost a month… what will she look like?”</p><p>“I can’t say, Ma’am.”</p><p>=MS=</p><p>The sound of Roger angrily throwing something heavy made her jump. His anger seemed to grow daily. He stormed into her room and hauled her off the bed, dumping her on the floor. “The FBI is looking for me now! Can you believe that?” He turned, grabbing the little fridge that she still refused to eat anything out of, and forcing it against the next wall. “They released video of me putting you in the van! They’re saying I abducted you!”</p><p>Nadine stared up from her place on the floor, eyes wide in a mix of fear and dread. “You- you should tell them they’re wrong.” She whispered. It was in her best interests to not anger him further, she had no way to protect or defend herself.</p><p>“What?!” He sneered, spittle flying with the single word.</p><p>“You should tell them they’re wrong.” Her voice shook. “Or- or I could. I could tell them you were just bringing me here so we could live together.” She lifted her hands to her face just in case, staring as blood seeped fresh out of one of the scabs that never got to heal. “I told you- I could write a letter to them and you- you could make sure it gets delivered.”</p><p>He loomed over her as he seethed, and she prayed he’d walk away and not lash out again like he’d done in the past. Some days Roger turned up and wanted to grope her, other days he was angry and would slam her against walls or kick her while she lay curled on the floor. Eventually, he did walk away, only to return minutes later with a notepad and pen. “Nothing funny!”</p><p>“I- I know.” She nodded, sitting up. “I know.” Taking the pen, she carefully penned a letter saying she was happy and to please call off the search. It was hard writing with her hands together, but she wrote carefully, taking the time to make sure her handwriting was familiar to whoever would eventually read it. When she handed the pad back to him, she tried one more thing. “You- you can’t deliver it to the Truman, they’ll catch you, and you can’t deliver it to my boss either.”</p><p>“Then where should I take it?”</p><p>Wracking her brain, she thought of one place that just might be perfect. “The assistant. He’s never home, so there’s no risk of you being seen. The others, they all live with other people, but he- he lives alone.”</p><p>“…Fine. Give me the address.”</p><p>She added it to the page, letting her seeping arm press against the paper. Hopefully, Blake would get it as fast as possible and the others would understand the message.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The entire staff sat huddled at the conference room table as two FBI agents sat across from them. Blake paced anxiously as he did his best to explain what he’d found when he’d gotten home. “That’s her blood, right?”</p>
<p>“We assume so, yes. We’ll match it from DNA from her place to be sure.”</p>
<p>“And- and this means now you’ll catch him?”</p>
<p>The agent ignored the question. “Why deliver it to you?”</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure. “I- I don’t know. My apartment is in the heart of the city on a busy street. I mean, maybe the guy thought he would blend in?”</p>
<p>“Your address is in her handwriting though, correct?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“So, she gave it to him then? Would she have a reason to pick you over any of the others?”</p>
<p>He slowly shook his head and then stopped. “Wait! The neighbor across the street! I- I complained to her right after Christmas. This couple moved in across the road and installed cameras on their door, but they’re angled out.”</p>
<p>“So, she knows your door is under surveillance.”</p>
<p>He nodded. “And unless you knew about it, there would be no reason to even look over there.”</p>
<p>“I keep looking at this letter.” Matt tapped next to the plastic evidence sleeve now holding it. “Does anyone else find this weird? Nadine doesn’t write like this.”</p>
<p>“Like what?” Jay stood and moved closer.</p>
<p>“She’s all cursive. There’s block letters in here too. I mean, this is definitely her handwriting, but the block letters, that’s weird, right?”</p>
<p>Daisy slid a notepad down the table; Jay caught it and began writing out the letters. “’Roger’ is the first five. There are more but I don’t understand them… A L A M.”</p>
<p>“Alam.” Elizabeth spoke up. “It’s… it means pain. I think she’s saying she’s hurt somehow.” She looked to the agents. “This is a cry for help, all of it. She’s out there waiting for us to find her.”</p>
<p>“We’ll get the video, Ma’am, and dust Mister Moran’s door for prints. Maybe we get lucky.”</p>
<p>“Keep us updated.” As the agents left, she turned back to her staff who looked, if possible, more upset than before Blake had come running in shouting that there was a letter. “She’s still alive, guys.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Matt didn’t meet her gaze. “But for how long?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The entire staff were gathered this time as the agent started up the video collected from Blake’s neighbors. “We had a hard time convincing them this was illegal when they could be assisting in finding Ms. Tolliver.” He shared. “It’s not much.” The video started and they all leaned in, watching a plain looking man in a coat approach Blake’s door wearing gloves and push the letter in.</p><p>He turned to jog back down the steps and Daisy gasped. “That man! He was outside the restaurant staring at me! That’s the guy they said was a regular!”</p><p>“What restaurant?”</p><p>“Fridman Bistro. It’s not far from her place. It’s- it’s her favorite place to grab a quick bite to eat.”</p><p>“So, she goes there a lot?”</p><p>“I- I guess so.”</p><p>“And he’s a regular.” The agent made notes. “I’ll have to check it out.”</p><p>=MS=</p><p>Her head lolled to the side on the bed. She didn’t have the energy anymore to fight when Roger groped and kissed her. All she could do now was hope to die before he violated the last small piece of dignity she had left.</p><p>He’d told her that the letter had been delivered and she prayed that Blake hadn’t been exaggerating about his neighbors. It was her last hope. The cold didn’t bother her anymore, the hunger pains had stopped, she wasn’t sure if any of that was good or bad but there was no point in crying about it, tears didn’t come anymore. Her wrists were a constant dull ache as they left bloody patches on the sheets when she moved, and part of her mind said they were getting infected.</p><p>The bedroom door banged open and she didn’t even flinch now, didn’t have the energy to even if she really wanted. Roger had a bottle with a tube on the end in his hand. “You’re not eating. You can’t be my perfect little pet if you starve, so I’m going to feed you.” He sat beside her, prying her mouth open. “Bite me and I just shoot you.”</p><p>She complied, gagging when the thin tube was forced down her throat.</p><p>“I had to do this for my sister before she died. She wouldn’t eat either.” He tipped the bottle up and squeezed and Nadine felt as the mixture was forced into her stomach.</p><p>Her gut clenched, angry and objecting to being suddenly and forcefully filled. “No!” She gasped, trying to push him away. “It hurts!” She was sure she would be crying if she could make tears. “Please stop.”</p><p>“Not until you are healthy again.”</p><p>She had no fight; he could do whatever she wished. Laying on that bed she realized, there would be no salvation. No longer afraid of what Roger might do to her, her body emptied all of the mixture back out again and, gagging at the feel of the mess running along the sheets against her body, she allowed herself to pass out.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Are we getting her killed with this news thing?” Jay paced anxiously. “What if he figures out she played him?”</p><p>“It’s our only lead.” Daisy did her best to sound assuring. “I’ve talked to all our media contacts and they’re all putting out feelers as well. Someone has to know more about this guy.”</p><p>“They said!” Jay ground his teeth. “He’s been in since she went missing, Daisy.”</p><p>“At least he’s feeding her?” She tried, just as worried as her friend. “But we still don’t know where he works or his last name.” It’d been weeks since the latest discovery and still nothing. They were quickly approaching too many months without any hint of where Nadine had gone. “We’re going to put the pressure on and see if it doesn’t shake something loose.”</p><p>The plan, as horrible as it was, was that the Secretary was about to stand in front of the press pool and plead with the nation for any information about the disappearance of her Chief of Staff. She’d been insistent that the statement come directly from herself and not through Daisy.</p><p>“I can’t shake that it’s the wrong thing to do.” Jay admitted.</p><p>“I can’t either.”</p><p>=MS=</p><p>When Roger was home, he left the bedroom door open, not that it mattered. She was both too weak to put up any real fight and now regularly too ill from the mixture he forced into her stomach, which she threw back up every time, to do anything about it.</p><p>He had the TV on in the next room and she heard as the news was interrupted and then a voice she hadn’t heard in months.</p><p><em>“Thank you for coming here on such short notice. On January seventh, my Chief of Staff, Nadine Tolliver, was abducted outside her home by a man going by the first name Roger. This is the only photo we have of him; it was lifted from a surveillance camera when he attempted to drop off a letter from Nadine convincing us to stop the search. The FBI has determined that it was coerced. We believe she is being held near DC still and would like anyone who has any information to call the FBI hotline on your screen immediately.”</em> There was a catch in Elizabeth’s voice. <em>“Nadine is a vital member of my staff and the FBI is following every lead.”</em></p><p>There was a familiar flurry of reporters shouting for Elizabeth’s attention. Nadine strained to hear who spoke first. “<em>Is there anything else you would like to add, Madam Secretary?”</em></p><p><em>“Yes. To whoever has her, please do what is right and set her free. We can understand how easy it is to love her but loving someone means doing what is best for them, even if it causes you pain.”</em> There was another flurry of reporters shouting, and then Daisy ending the briefing but then Elizabeth spoke again. <em>“I’d like to add this, please? If, by some miracle, one of your reports find its way to her, please be sure to include that her family won’t stop until she’s home. Thank you.”</em></p><p>Staring at the ceiling, Nadine did her best to play Elizabeth’s words over and over in her head, determined to keep her voice there. She’d need it if she was going to make it through this. The FBI was looking for her, they knew the name of the man who had her as well as his face. The trick at Blake’s apartment had worked! More than the FBI looking, though, her coworkers, her family, were looking for her. She hadn’t been forgotten, she just needed to hold on.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Roger had thrown her over his shoulder, all she’d been able to do was hang limply. In the woods, she’d laid in the soggy mud, only barely aware it should feel cold still, as she watched him try to dig into the saturated ground. Try to dig her grave.</p><p>=MS=</p><p>As Daisy and Matt rushed into her office, the last of her staff to arrive, Elizabeth began. “I just got a call from the FBI, they’re about to do a raid on an address they believe is connected to Nadine’s disappearance. I’ve asked that we be allowed to be patched in, so we’re all headed to the Hoover to watch by remote link. Let’s go.”</p><p>As a group, they all rushed down to the waiting motorcade, praying silently that this would be the end of it, this would be finding their friend. Leads had poured in almost immediately after the press conference, but as with all things, it had taken endless hours for the FBI to pour through all of them to find the most likely ones. It had been weeks of bringing suspects in and questioning them, saving viable intel and throwing out the bad.</p><p>The agents at the Hoover frowned, not expecting all of them to turn up, but showed them into the room anyway. “They’re just unloading now.” On the screen it was clear they were watching via bodycam as agents surrounded the house and then stormed it, clearing each room before descending on what, according to county plans, should have been a bedroom. The door was held shut by a series of locks.</p><p>“Oh my god.” Daisy covered her mouth. “Even if this isn’t Nadine, this is still bad.”</p><p>“I can’t handle the thought of DC having more than one deranged nutjob.” Matt kept his eyes on the screen.</p><p>“There’s no signs anywhere else in the house of her.” A voice spoke through the speakers. They watched as the door was busted in, revealing an empty room containing a bed with only sheets, a grated window, and a small fridge.</p><p>“What’s that on the walls?” Elizabeth asked, fearing that she knew exactly what the streaks in various shades of brown were.</p><p>The question was forwarded and then the answer came through the TV. “Blood. There are smears of blood everywhere. Some of it looks old and none of it is of a life-threatening volume. There are… scratches.” Blood streaked smears came into view. “It looks like someone spent a lot of time trying to get the window and door open. Forensics can tell us for certain, but this looks like there’s bits of fingernail in a few of these.”</p><p>“Ask about this.” Another voice sounded and the man who wore the camera turned, showing a second agent holding up shoes and several articles of clothing.</p><p>“That’s Nadine’s!” Elizabeth insisted.</p><p>“There’s also zip ties out here.” The man added. “Looks like she’s been kept cuffed. There’re old ones in the trash, they’re bloody. We need to process this scene as quickly as possible, but our best guess is she left here alive.”</p><p>“She’s gone.” Jay turned, punching the air. “We were so close!”</p><p>=MS=</p><p>Somewhere far away, she heard shouts and Roger stopped, dropping the shovel before kicking her under a bush out of sight and running away. He’d promised to come back for her once the coast was clear.</p><p>Time passed. She allowed her mind to drift somewhere else.</p><p>=MS=</p><p>“Nate!” A third voice called out. “We have a feeding tube setup in the kitchen and some sort of supplement mixture. His sister died of cancer a year ago and it looks like it had all been prescribed to her.” Before he could carry on, the other agents all reacted to another shouting from outside and then they were running through the mud in response, the camera bouncing wildly. Spring had begun, leaving the ground a slimy, slippery mess.</p><p>“I see a shovel and… it looks like someone tried to dig. The ground’s not the best for digging a good hole though.”</p><p>“Dig a grave?” Daisy sounded horrified.</p><p> “Is she dead?” Blake asked despite fearing the answer.</p><p>“We don’t know yet.” The agent relayed back.</p><p>=MS=</p><p>Hands touched her, the tree moved, and then she was being pulled back toward the hole. This was it; she was dying today. She’d been so close to being saved, but now… Now it was game over.</p><p>There was more than one Roger now, proof her mind was giving in. His words were gibberish as he grabbed at her, touching her face and chest. She’d had hope before, but now she was ready to go. Ready for this to be over, even if it meant him burying her alive.</p><p>=MS=</p><p>“Wait… Over here!” The agent shouted for the others before pushing away the side of an evergreen, revealing a body curled there. “I have a body over here!”</p><p>The team gasped at the image that appeared on the screen. Wet and caked in mud, dressed in only thin silk, was Nadine. They stared in horror at the nightmare playing out. Her hair was longer, the gray growing out, and matted as if it hadn’t been brushed well in a very long time, but the mud and her hair and clothes weren’t what had then wanting to look away.</p><p>“She’s nothing but skin and bone.” Jay whispered.</p><p>The agents were touching her, searching for some sign of life, but her eyes remained closed, her body limp.</p><p>“We’re too late.” Elizabeth sank into a chair.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I will go hide now. I swear I will get the next one up today.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They were all huddled together in a waiting room when Henry turned up at the hospital. The staff had pulled chairs over so they were all within touching distance. He wasn’t surprised, in the past weeks he’d watched them all fall apart, his wife many times. Nightmares, panic, and anger were common themes with all of them. Their house had become a revolving door of her staff turning up in the night, anxious and angry. “Any word?” Five faces turned to him.</p><p>After a minute, Jay cleared his throat, his voice hoarse from having shouted and cried in the hours since he’d stood in front of that monitor. “She went into cardiac arrest. They’re… They’re not sure what caused it yet but… She came in hypothermic and malnourished. She’d spent the entire time captive with her wrists bound and the skin and tissue beneath are infected. They think… They think the infection could have gotten into her blood stream maybe?” He looked away. “They just don’t know yet. That’s… aside from dehydration and obvious signs of being beaten they- they didn’t say what other abuses she’s suffered.” He hated closing his eyes because now all he saw was the way Nadine had flopped lifelessly when they’d lifted her up.</p><p>In his mind, Henry asked ‘<em>isn’t that enough?</em>’ “They got her back though?” It was still a vigil, not a wake, that had to count for something for now.</p><p>“For now. When they… When they found her, at first we thought she was dead.” He swallowed. “She was unresponsive.” The reality, as he understood it, was that she very easily could still die. Die never knowing they’d found her, that she’d been returned to them.</p><p>Daisy sobbed once before clamping her mouth shut.</p><p>“Have they said when you can see her?” None of them answered, so Henry slipped out again, finding his way to the nurse’s station. “I need to find out information about Nadine Tolliver?”</p><p>“And you are?”</p><p>“Henry McCord. Secretary McCord’s husband.”</p><p>The nurse glanced to the waiting room. “She’s in surgery right now. We have a cardiac team monitoring her heart, but the concern now is the deep wounds on her arms. To preserve her tenuous health, they’re opting to clear the dying and infected skin in the OR just in case she takes another turn.”</p><p>“I understand. How- how does her prognosis look? How- how bad of shape was she in?”</p><p>“Physically, there’s a chance she’ll recover. Mentally? That’s a long road.” He got the message, both of them. Nadine could still succumb to her condition, but even if she pulled through he had a feeling he could only begin to list the problems she would face. He was no stranger to PTSD, to the added challenges of those who’d been held captive.</p><p>He nodded, wondering one last thing. “Was she… Did he do anything… <em>else</em> to her?”</p><p>She studied him a long moment. “You know if the answer was yes, I couldn’t answer that, right?”</p><p>“I’m sorry.” He hoped that it meant the answer was actually no. “Please let us know if anything changes?”</p><p>“We’ll keep you updated.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>=MS=</p><p>“Here.” Blake kept his voice pitched low as he passed out coffees and sandwiches. Keeping everyone fed felt more productive than pacing as they waited for Nadine to come back from the OR. He took an empty seat next to Jay and sighed. “What if…”</p><p>“I can’t go there.” Jay softly answered the unasked question.</p><p>“I don’t want to go there, but… I can’t get the look of her arms out of my head.”</p><p>“Her arms… her face…. Those bruises.”</p><p>“…Yeah.”</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been days since he’d lost her, but Roger had finally gotten himself on the right hospital floor! It’d been frustrating, she’d been guarded by so many people, but a little fancy thinking got him into some scrubs and those agents never even looked at him twice.</p><p>Standing by her bed, he touched her cheek. “My sweet Nadine, I’ll have you out of here in no time. I promise.” Her eyes cracked open and he smiled. “There you are! We’ll be together again soon.”</p><p>Not wanting to attract any attention by staying too long, he slipped away again, leaving her to be cared for, promising silently that he’d be back.</p><p>=MS=</p><p>Voices swam around her in dizzying waves. Sometimes it was like a hurricane, all shouts and distorted sounds and then others like a tunnel, far away and soft. There were things in her body now, tubes in her nose and her wrists bound, though the pain there wasn’t as anguishing. She also couldn’t feel the cold anymore, instead it was all numbly warm.</p><p>At one point, her stomach felt hard and angry, as it’d done every time Roger had tried to force her to take in the unknown mixture, she threw up whatever was being pumped in, unwilling to risk whatever he’d put in it and unable anyway to keep it in her stomach.</p><p>Sometimes her eyes cracked open, but she was hallucinating now, so she didn’t bother letting herself feel hopeful. She saw Roger promising she was still his, but sometimes, cruelly, her mind paraded her friends before her too. They’d talk to her, but she refused to respond. She didn’t want Roger to realize she’d finally lost it.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Elizabeth watched the doctor do her assessment. “Why isn’t she waking up?”</p><p>She turned, clearly debating his answer. “She could be protecting herself. There’s a lot still going on physically with her, her heart is still not working as it should and we’re fighting the infection, but it’s slow. She hasn’t kept down any nutrition via tube, so we’re relying on IV fluids alone, but based on the records we’ve found, she’s quite underweight.”</p><p>“Yeah, she… she was never very big, but… it’s a big difference.” It was painful to see how Nadine was so frail looking now, the way she was so dwarfed by the bed and heavy blankets piled up to help her stay warm so her body didn’t have to work so hard.</p><p>“Recovery will take time, Madam Secretary. Your best bet is to be patient and… talk to her. Read, tell her about your day… that comfort might bring her around.”</p><p>“Talk to her.”</p><p>“Yes, Ma’am.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>She nodded, leaving the room.</p><p>Elizabeth pulled her chair closer, taking one of Nadine’s hands. “Talk to you, huh? What can I tell you about?” She thought a moment. “Russell has been after the FBI to find Roger. He’s been pretty angry the whole time you’ve been missing and this past week. You’ll be okay, Nadine, I promise. And… when you’re out of here we’re going to make sure you’re safe from now on.”</p><p>Her eyes ran over Nadine’s face. Nothing had been done with her hair yet aside from removing the caked mud, it hadn’t been a priority. Standing, Elizabeth dug through her bag until she found the small brush she carried. Carefully lowering the rail, she sat on the edge of the bed. “I know you don’t know it now, but eventually, soon, you’re going to wake up and you’ll hate the state your hair is in… So I’m going to brush it for you. I’ll try to be gentle.”</p><p>At first there was trepidation in her strokes. She worried that Nadine might wake up while she was touching her and there was no guessing how she’d respond. Elizabeth could remember seeing captives in the Middle East, the way they would panic at the slightest unexpected sound or touch. The last thing she wanted was for Nadine to wake and then hurt herself in a fit of panic.</p><p>One small section at a time, Elizabeth started at the ends by her shoulders, working each small knot smooth before moving on. She did all she could on the left before raising the bed rail and switching sides. Elizabeth was just finishing up when the door clicked open and then clunked shut again.</p><p>“Still not awake?” Matt hesitantly asked as he stepped up to the end of the bed.</p><p>“No.” She didn’t turn to face him, afraid that if she looked away, Nadine would simply vanish.</p><p>“You brushed her hair… It looks- looks good.” His voice caught. “She’d hate knowing we saw her so unkempt.”</p><p>“Yeah…” After another minute of staring at her face, Elizabeth drew a breath, lifting Nadine’s hand. “I should ask if we can paint her nails too.” It felt small, insignificant, but maybe it would help them all.</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nadine’s eyes opened fully, and it took her several minutes to realize she was staring at unfamiliar walls and was under heavy blankets that kept her warm. The room smelled of antiseptic. Keeping silent, she carefully catalogued everything, from the heart monitor to the IV stand and then to the plastic couch that had a pair of pillows and a blanket piled on it. Someone had slept there recently.</p><p>Starting with her feet, she did her best to work out what condition she was in, nothing seemed too out of place except the oxygen line under her nose and the tube running into her nostril. It took a second to place what the little tube was for, but once she did, she forced her hands to work, pulling the cannula away and then yanking the tube out, gagging and coughing as it pulled through her throat.</p><p>Nurses burst into the room, the nearest one male and wearing the same blue Roger had been wearing the last time she’d seem him. She recoiled back, shouting at him to stay away. He retreated and a kind looking woman took his place. “Ma’am, we need you to calm down. You’re safe here.”</p><p>She shook her head violently. “I saw him! He was one of you! He’s here!” Nothing made sense and her voice was unfamiliar to her own ears. Her body felt heavy and slow and it was hard to breathe.</p><p>The nurses all seemed to speak at once and then the man left completely. “He’s not here. You’re safe.”</p><p>“I saw him!” She cried, bursting into panicked tears. “He wanted to kill me!” She drew back, nearly crawling backward off the end of the bed.</p><p>“Nadine! Nadine! Hey, hey, you’re okay!” The new voice preceded hands taking hers, pulling her attention to the new person. “Look at me!”</p><p>Nadine looked up, speechless when she realized it was Elizabeth facing her. “You’re- you’re real?” Those blue eyes held hers and she couldn’t look away.</p><p>“I’m real. We found you, you’re safe.”</p><p>“No! He was here!” She felt panic rising swiftly again.</p><p>“You haven’t had any visitors, Nadine, except the staff and me. We have security on the room around the clock.”</p><p>“He was here! You must believe me! I saw him!” She desperately wanted Elizabeth to believe her.</p><p>“Okay, okay!” She tried to calm her back down again. “We’ll figure it out… Okay?”</p><p>Cautiously, Nadine nodded.</p><p>“Now… you’ve pulled off a lot of things that really need to be attached. Please let the nurses help you?”</p><p>Her eyes landed on the little yellow tube. “Just, not that one.”</p><p>“It wasn’t hooked to anything-”</p><p>“Not that one.” She pushed it away as best she could. “He- he kept trying to pump things into me once I was too weak to fight back.” Suddenly, she noticed the thick bandages on her wrists and lifted her arms, staring curiously at them.</p><p>“You had to have surgery to clear infected tissue.” Elizabeth filled in. “We got the top plastics surgeon to have a look at it but… they had to take off quite a bit. I’m really sorry, Nadine, but you may have those scars forever.”</p><p>She put her hands down, determined to be cooperative. “I’ll be still…for the nurses.”</p><p>Elizabeth gently patted her arm. “I’m not leaving you. I’m going to go stand out of the way though.”</p><p>“Okay.” Watching as Elizabeth backed away, Nadine tried to work out what it was the nurses were moving around on her, what the wires and tubes were for. Eventually they left and only Elizabeth remained. “I- I heard you on TV.”</p><p>“You did?” It pained her to hear how small Nadine sounded now that she was calm, nothing like the woman she knew. If she were just meeting her now, she’d never have guessed this was a woman who had the amount of power Nadine had.</p><p>“Mm-hm.”</p><p>“We all fought whether or not it was the right thing to do. I think we got to a point where we all thought it was the last hope and worried it would get you killed. Nice thinking sending the letter to Blake’s address though.” She gripped Nadine’s hand carefully. “We’ll catch him. I promise.”</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>None of the visitors had left till late and Roger was antsy to get back to Nadine. Peeking around the corner, he saw those agents check the room and then turn and walk away. He figured it meant she was asleep now.</p><p>Casually strolling down the hall, no one seemed to notice him in his scrubs. Smirking, he slipped into her room and let the door fall shut. The only sound was the soft blipping of the heart monitor. “My Nadine, look at you.” He ran a hand along her just like he’d done before. This time she rolled in her sleep. “Soon I’ll take you back home.” With one finger, he brushed her cheek. “Then we’ll be together forever.”</p><p>On the bed, Nadine rolled again, blinking awake at the touch. Her eyes focused on him and then she screamed.</p><p>The scream startled him, but then agents in suits banged into the room and he hauled her out of bed, using her as a shield against their guns. “You let me go or I make sure she dies!” He yanked his own gun out of the waistband of his scrubs and held it to her. “She’s mine. You can’t take her from me.”</p><p> “Me comprenez vous?” Her voice, rough and shaking and speaking some foreign language, surprised him.</p><p>“What was that? What did you say?!” He shook her. “You use English, or I’ll just end it here!” Roger felt as her legs gave out and she sagged in his arm. She was heavier this way than she looked, and he had to struggle to keep his grip around her. “Stand up!”</p><p>Her head lolled back, and he could see her eyes were rolling back in her head. She made a gasping choking sound. “Ne t’inquiete pas pour moi.” It was soft, stuttered, and like she wasn’t even aware of what she was saying. He stared down, confused.</p><p>And then her body began to convulse.</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Running as fast as she could through the halls, Daisy found herself the last to arrive back at the hospital. “What happened?”</p><p>Matt pulled her into a hug as Jay spoke. “Nadine was right, Roger came in wearing scrubs and he had a gun.”</p><p>“Oh god!” She looked around the group, at the way everyone still looked anxious and on the verge of breaking down.</p><p>“It’s… he didn’t hurt her. She woke up and screamed, drawing attention and then… it’s a bit fuzzy from there.”</p><p>“What do you mean ‘fuzzy’?” Surely Nadine’s side would clear up any confusion.</p><p>Matt kept his hands on her shoulders. “The agents said they burst in and Roger used her as a shield hoping to use her to get his freedom, but Nadine started babbling something only one of the on-duty security understood, but it upset Roger and then… She went limp and started seizing. It made Roger panic, but he dropped her, and they shot him. Roger is dead.”</p><p>“That’s- that’s good. How’s Nadine? What’s she say?”</p><p>“She’s not awake.” Elizabeth finally spoke up. “She cracked her head pretty hard on the floor and lost consciousness. That on top of everything her body has already been dealing with… We don’t know why she had a seizure. According to the doctor, with her condition it could have been for any number of reasons. It could also be an indication that she’ll have more.”</p><p>Daisy looked between all of them, understanding now why they all still looked so scared even with the news Roger was dead. “Can we- can we go see her?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Blake softly answered from the edge of the group. “She’s down this way now. Her old room is a crime scene.”</p><p>Quietly, the five of them made their way through the quiet halls to the right room as a doctor stepped out. “For Nadine Tolliver?” She didn’t seem surprised to see all of them there out of visiting hours. “She’s resting and nurses will be in to check her regularly. Her heart is returning to normal without any intervention from us and a fresh IV has been placed.” She looked around at the gathered group. “The nurse told me she was speaking in French before the apparent seizure, is that normal for her?”</p><p>They all nodded as Jay answered. “She’s fluent.”</p><p>The doctor pursed her lips together. “That’s perhaps good news then.”</p><p>“How so?”</p><p>“According to one of the security, just before she went down, she instructed them to not worry. They said she made eye contact and seemed to speak directly to them. We’ll still be monitoring her just in case.” She started around the group to leave them to their friend.</p><p>“Wait.” Matt turned, a question on his mind. “What do you think happened?”</p><p>The doctor paused and then looked back at him, at all of them. “I don't think she had a seizure at all. I think she saved herself.”</p><p>Silently, they all stepped into the darkened room. Nadine was almost flat on her back now, additional wires and bandages running to new machines. Daisy hung back as the others stood by the bed, reaching out and touching the blankets.</p><p>Jay was the first one to speak up. “He’s gone for good now, Nadine. He can’t come back to hurt you again.”</p><p>“I feel like…” Blake paused, then drew a breath. “I feel like we’ve let you down again. You keep needing us to help you… To step up and save you and in the end…”</p><p>“You keep saving yourself.” Matt finished. A soft chuckle formed in his throat. “I guess you really are the smartest, scrappiest one of all of us.”</p><p>Jay sat on the edge of the bed, half glancing over his shoulder their way. “She’d probably say it’s a mom thing.” His comment made them smile.</p><p>“We do give her enough practice.” Matt acknowledged.</p><p>Blake instantly shot back. “Speak for yourself, I’m perfect.”</p><p>Before anyone knew it, the three of them were lightly bickering over who was the better son. From her corner, Daisy watched and listened to them, somewhat surprised when Elizabeth didn’t cut them off.</p><p>Elizabeth sat on the bed across from Jay and reached out, straightening the edge of the sheet and tucking the small bit of hair that was still visible to the side. Under their arguing, she spoke directly to Nadine’s sleeping form. “Listen to them.” Her voice caught. “They need you to wake up and set them straight.”</p>
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<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The smell of food hit her first and made her nose twitch and her stomach growl, bringing chuckles from someone, or multiple someones, in the room. Cracking her eyes open, Nadine took in what she could of the room. Her new hospital room was packed with her coworkers, all eating. “You know, it’s rude to eat in front of someone who can’t.” Her voice was raspy and soft.</p><p>They all laughed again. “We were just waiting for you to wake up.” Matt patted her ankle through the blanket.</p><p>She couldn’t see everyone and tried to turn her head but couldn’t. “What the hell…”</p><p>Jay leaned over, coming into view. “You’re hooked up to an EEG machine. The doctor seemed to think you faked the seizure but wanted to be certain just in case.”</p><p>“A what?” She had no idea what he was talking about or what it meant.</p><p>“Oh! I have a picture!” Matt pulled out his phone and held it up. On the screen she was asleep, but she could see now the bundle of wires running from her scalp and the horrid white cap covering her hair to hold them in place. It was also the first time since Roger had appeared in the parking garage that she’d seen her own reflection, and what she saw terrified her. She was gaunt and pale. Even in her face she could tell she’d lost not just weight, but muscle tone.</p><p>“Delete it.” She swallowed hard, suddenly ashamed of how she looked. “Please, Matt…”</p><p>His smile fell away as he tapped his phone. “Yeah, sure. It’s gone.”</p><p>A tear dripped free and she absently swiped at it before staring at the smear of wetness on her hand. She’d not had tears in some time… That simple realization rocked her and a moment later she was mortified as a real sob finally broke free.</p><p>When it was followed by many more, she expected the others to slip away, but instead Daisy and Elizabeth sat on the bed on either side of her, leaning in and she was thankful they were there as she curled onto her side and cried. Further away, she could feel where the guys placed their hands gently on her legs, a simple reminder they hadn’t left her either.</p><p>With the dam seemingly opened, it was as if every memory she’d blocked out rushed forward. She remembered the terror as Roger had taken her by surprise at her car, the fear as she was shoved in the van, and every terrifying moment since. She remembered imaginary conversations with the people surrounding her now so she didn’t feel as alone. She remembered the way she’d cried in the early days, begging them to know she was in trouble.</p><p>She’d had no way then to know they were searching for her, that they’d not give up until she was found. But here she was now, surrounded by them, and the knowledge that they’d never given up, even when she’d finally done so, was overwhelming.</p><p>=MS=</p><p>Elizabeth gripped Henry’s hand tightly as they, plus Daisy, listened to the doctor outline what to expect now that it seemed Nadine was awake for good.</p><p>“Expect her to mentally and emotionally be all over the place. She may check out, she’ll likely startle easily. Her emotions will get the best of her. Be patient and give her space and time and remind her that you aren’t judging her. The transition back to her old life won’t be one smooth path.”</p><p>“Do you think she’ll be able to go back to her old life?” Elizabeth asked.</p><p>The doctor nodded. “With time and support.”</p><p>"Thank you." Once the doctor walked away and Daisy stepped back into the room, Elizabeth sank into Henry' arms. "How does she even come through this, Henry? Will I get my friend back?"</p><p>He held her tight, pressing a kiss to her head. "Just be there for her, Babe." She began to cry in his arms and he kept his hold, whispering calming words in her ear.</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“One bite, that’s all.”</p><p>Nadine stared at her boss, studying the determination on her face. She knew how it went when Elizabeth got like that, she was destined to lose. “Every time I tried to eat before, or they pumped food into me, I threw it up.” She understood that she <em>needed</em> to eat, she just wasn’t eager to wind up clinging desperately to an emesis basin with a room full of people she’d have to see ever again.</p><p>Elizabeth nodded. “I know. But some of that could have been trying to take in too much at once. Just one bite.” She waved to the food everyone had. “From anyone’s meal, we don’t care.” It’d been a week since the incident where Roger had died and while the doctors claimed all results looked promising, there was still an entire list of issues to be dealt with. The fact she still refused anything by mouth being one of the biggest. She could barely stand for more than a few seconds, walking was out of the picture, even sitting up was only managed because the bed did most of the work. Nadine didn’t even want to begin thinking about the fact that, thus far, she hadn’t actually spoken to anyone about her time with Roger or how anxious she already felt over the idea of leaving this room. That was a problem for another day.</p><p>“Or I can go get you anything you want.” Blake offered. “Ice cream, cake… ice cream cake… you name it.”</p><p>“You don’t have to sit here and look after me like I’m a child. There’s a country out there to run.” It felt like they all had been spending as much time as possible in her room since she’d woken up. Part of her was thankful she didn’t have to sit alone; but the other part, the part that was a lifelong public servant with an unshakable sense of duty, wondered just how anything was getting done if they were all here.</p><p>“It’s the weekend, Nadine.” Jay joined in. “But… Our boss has been kind enough to allow us to work in rotation come Monday.”</p><p>“What’s- what does that mean?” She was afraid she knew exactly what that meant.</p><p>“We’ll be taking shifts sitting with you until you’re discharged.” He grinned, confirming her fears. Leave it to Elizabeth to be a step ahead of her. “Also, Blake and I saw where you park when we searched your place-”</p><p>“You searched my home?”</p><p>“-When you didn’t turn up for work. We had a very stern talk with your building manager and you now have a new parking spot much closer to the elevators and in clear line of cameras your entire walk to your car.”</p><p>“You did what?” Surely they wouldn’t have been so bold… Anger tried to rush forward at them taking such steps without her consent and it took all she had not to lash out. The first two times she’d angrily snapped at one of them, the person on the receiving in had simply backed off, changing the subject. She’d even tried goading them into an argument until the urge for the fight dissipated. After the fact, what she’d said and done in the moment had been embarrassing. She didn’t want to repeat it again.</p><p>He ignored the question and plowed forward. “We also moved your car to the new spot. Well… Blake moved it.”</p><p>“I did my best not to scratch or otherwise damage it.” When she shot him a look, he smirked. “So… food?”</p><p>She looked between all of them, debating. “Maybe some jello?” They didn’t seem pleased that she picked something so simple, but Blake still vanished out the door, returning a few minutes later with pots of jello in his hands. She reached out to take the little plastic pot and spoon, but he pulled it away. “You’re not feeding me.” She could see in his face that he was seriously considering doing just that. If he pushed, she would get angry even as she knew he’d only nod and wait out her rage. Throwing things wouldn’t get a rise out of him either. In her second fit of emotion, she’d thrown the only thing that had been within reach at the time, a paper cup of lukewarm coffee he’d placed on the rolling table. She couldn’t even remember now why she’d gotten so angry, it may have been over nothing, but before she’d even processed her own actions, the cup hit the ground at his feet, splattering his shoes and pant legs with coffee. His only reaction had been to silently mop everything up and then take a seat by her bed.</p><p>“A compromise then. I’ll hold the cup and you focus on the spoon. I- I was in here during one of your dressing changes and… Your wrists look really bad.”</p><p>Nadine could see the pain in his eyes from the memory. “Okay.” She hated to admit it, but she worried about how the damage done would impact her long term. Would she have a hard time using her hands? She tried to imagine juggling binders with the pain she was currently still experiencing. Scooping a mouthful of orange jello out of the cup, she savored it in her mouth for a bit before swallowing it, not surprised that Blake moved the cup out of reach. “I can eat more.”</p><p>“Not yet.” He shook his head. “You’ll push yourself into too much, too soon.”</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She slept a lot now, exhaustion was constant. It took all her energy to keep focused on whoever was in the room with her, even more to physically do anything at all. Often when she woke up, she had no idea who would be sitting at her bedside working.</p><p>Shifting stiffly to find a more comfortable position, Nadine opened her eyes to see Jay hunched over the tray table they’d commandeered as a desk, a pile of files to his left. “Anything interesting there?”</p><p>Jay looked up, placing his pen carefully down. “I’ve been dealing with Russell Jackson’s office about a bill we’re trying to get through Congress.” He straightened up. She couldn’t work out why, but Jay seemed especially concerned and attentive whenever he was present. “If… If you want me to, I can read it to you? I have to warn you, it might put you right back to sleep.”</p><p>She managed a partial smile. “Wouldn’t be the first document that put me to sleep.”</p><p>He grinned. “Me either.” He flipped back to the first page and began with the title, carefully reading aloud, only stopping when she asked a question or made an observation. By the time they reached the halfway point and she’d begun to yawn, Jay was impressed with some of the edits they’d made. “You know, I think you just saved me days of work on this.”</p><p>“Why are you doing that anyway? It’s not normally a policy guy job.”</p><p>“I’ve been wearing extra hats.”</p><p>“…Oh.” It dawned on her that he was covering her job right now as well. “I’m- I’m sorry. The Secretary I’m sure will hire a replacement soon.”</p><p>He shook his head. “No. She won’t. She already has a Chief of Staff, she doesn’t need another one.” Ending the discussion, Jay stood, straightening the blankets so she was fully covered again. “Need me to move any pillows? You’ve been laying on that side a while. I think we should roll you the other way before you fall asleep again.” Without waiting for her to answer, he tugged the pillows propping her away and guided her back before helping her shift onto her other side. “I have water and I have juice. Blake brought up white grape and cran-apple for you to pick from.”</p><p>“I’m okay for now, Jay, but thank you.” She stopped him with a hand to his arm. “Thank you for being here.” Tears sprang to her eyes.</p><p>Jay took her hand in both of his. “I wouldn’t miss being here for anything, Nadine. I just… I feel so bad.”</p><p>She ducked her head, not ready to see the pity in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“No, it’s…” He sighed. “I should’ve listened to you in- instead of dismissing your concerns.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“That Roger was dropping those gifts for you after Christmas. We backtracked the gifts and found where he’d been hand delivering them each morning. I’m- I’m so sorry, Nadine.” She risked looking up and found tears in his eyes as he continued. “Daisy laid into me one night, she, uh, she and I had been at my place drinking and… She said I would never get what it’s like to be a woman, what it’s like to be leered at or- or have rude things said to me. She made me… She made me see that having someone like Roger turn up probably wasn’t an entirely crazy idea for you… That you probably anticipated something like a stalker even when I couldn’t fathom that likelihood.”</p><p>“I- I didn’t want to be right… But yes, it was something I could see as a possibility.” She tried to pull her hand away to create some distance, but he held it tight. “It’s not the first man to send me gifts, to turn up unexpectedly, to…” She trailed off.</p><p>“To decide his yes was more important than your no?”</p><p>Her eyes settled on the end of the bed as she didn’t answer.</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She woke in a cold sweat, her heart racing. The room was as dark as it ever got and she had no idea how late it was. Someone moved, plastic creaked as a person sat up on the couch, and her mind scrambled to remember who was sleeping in her room.</p><p>“Just me.” Matt’s calming voice spoke. “You’re safe. You’re okay. No one is going to hurt you.”</p><p>The simple fact that he was already offering such calming words before even knowing what had happened made a sob slip out and she quickly hid her face in her hands. She hated that she was so emotionally all over the place all the time.</p><p>“Here.”</p><p>Nadine peered through her fingers as he draped a heavy, handmade blanket over her.</p><p>“The women in my family made it together when I was born. A bit of a family tradition.” He tucked it tightly around her from shoulders to toes, taking the time to make sure she was comfortable and none of the lines and wires she was still connected to were pulled tight. “If you have something you’d rather have from your place, I’d be happy to get it for you tomorrow.”</p><p>“Thank you.” Her fingers instantly found their way into the gaps in the crocheted blocking. “I- I don’t really have anything so sentimental.”</p><p>In the darkness, she just made out as he nodded. “Maybe… Maybe it would help if you didn’t feel alone? I- I could lay here with you and then if you wake up again, you know I’m still here.”</p><p>The old her would’ve instantly rejected such an idea. The old her, though, had been much stronger, physically as well as emotionally. Then again, the old her had fallen asleep more than once on a long flight or car ride against everyone else. “I’d like that.”</p><p>Matt rounded the bed and dropped the rail behind her before toeing off his shoes and laying down on the blankets. “You need anything, let me know.”</p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The physical therapist had quickly become one of Nadine’s least favorite people. The woman had swept in one day during the small window of time between when Daisy had left and Blake was due to turn up and had forced her through walking and weights to start building up her strength. It’d carried on for days, the woman arriving right when Nadine was alone in the afternoons until a matter of luck changed things.</p><p>Nadine was on the verge of tears… again. Her arms shook as she leaned on the grips of the walker, determined not to fall over. Mobility was what was keeping her from being discharged anytime soon, she got that, but the woman’s pushy and borderline antagonistic attitude upset her within seconds of her turning up each day. Nadine was sure that the old her would’ve already put the therapist in her place, but now… Now she only bit back the heavy weight of tears in her chest.</p><p>Glancing at the clock, she told herself it was only another half hour and then a little more and someone would be turning up to spend the evening in her room with her. Just a little longer and she’d be able to let her burning muscles rest.</p><p>“Look at you! You’re up!” Blake’s cheerful voice called down the hall, nearly an hour early. Relief rushed through her so fast she swayed, even with the walker to hold onto. Instantly, Blake was at her side, peering into her eyes as his smile vanished. “What’s wrong?” He was looking her over earnestly.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Sir, she needs to finish walking her lap of the hall.”</p><p>Blake put a hand up, cutting her off. “Nadine? What’s wrong?”</p><p>Her eyes cut to the physical therapist as a tear broke free. She didn’t say a word, all she could do was shake her head, too afraid she’d start bawling right there in the hallway. She didn’t want to give the woman the pleasure of finally seeing her fall apart.</p><p>He seemed to understand what it was she wasn’t saying. “Okay. You need a minute.” She watched as he dropped his bag by the wall and stepped right in front of the walker, pulling her forward into his arms as the therapist objected insistently. “I’ve got you. Just take a minute.” Then Nadine heard him address her therapist. “Can’t you see she’s suffering?”</p><p>“She needs to be able to do a lap at normal speed.”</p><p>“She needs a break.” He snapped before easing her back up. “This is up to you, not her. What do you want to do?”</p><p>“I- I want to go home.” It was what she wanted more than anything in the world, to be back in her own space, with her own things. She wanted to have her life back and be away from being poked and prodded and forced into things she didn’t want to do. She wanted her autonomy back.</p><p>He rubbed her arms. “I know. I can work on it with you.”</p><p>Her eyes filled with fresh tears and then she nodded. That sounded like the best idea ever. Blake was quite possibly more determined than even the witch of a therapist, but he knew when to be gentle and ever since she’d woke up, he’d been nothing but… Even on the days she gave him reason not to.</p><p>“Okay.” Blake turned to the therapist. “Explain it all to me.”</p><p>Nadine watched as he quickly understood what it was she needed to do and then short minutes later, she was walking again, this time with Blake in front of her, walking backward. The entire lap around the room, he talked. He told her about recent antics of his cat, the way the feline had reacted when Chloe had come over, and stories about events she’d missed. Her focus stayed not on the ache in her muscles, but on the animated looks on his face as he spoke. Before she knew it, they were back in the doorway to her room.</p><p>Her muscles burned, but for the first time she also didn’t feel like an utter failure by the time she was done walking. Blake had helped her into the recliner instead of putting her right back in the bed and it was from there that she watched him dig through his bag. The sound of something rattling around made her curious and then he was pulling a box out, brandishing it triumphantly.</p><p>“I know it’s only two hundred pieces, but it’s the size that will fit on this table.” He pulled the table over. “I figured you must be going crazy without things to stimulate your mind.”</p><p>Once the table was in place, she looked at the picture of brightly colored candy on the puzzle’s lid. The contrasting colors made it visually stimulating and added to the challenge. “Thank you.”</p><p>He opened the box and opened the bag holding the pieces, pouring them where she gestured. “Jay had mentioned as well that he’s been reading you briefings, so I brought some of those for later if you’re up for it. The Secretary wasn’t amused when she overheard, but frankly I don’t care.”</p><p>His tone made her smirk. “Now, Blake, she is just trying to do what she thinks is best.”</p><p>He huffed but didn’t respond. Instead, he dragged the second chair around the bed so he was seated across from her. Together, they worked on the puzzle.</p>
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<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Daisy was the only one in her room today, at her request. There was a promise made by her doctor that she’d be going home soon, and the other woman had eagerly gone to her place to retrieve clothes for her to wear to get her out of hospital gowns, but… “None of it fits.” She threw the final piece of fabric at the chair angrily.</p><p>“None of it?” Daisy’s eyes drifted to the duffle bag, clearly repacked in anger as the clothing was wadded up and shoved in.</p><p>“No.” Nadine bit out. “I have no idea how much I lost, and I’ve barely gained anything back.” Partly because she barely had any appetite still. Her mind went to the closet full of clothing that likely wouldn’t fit either at home. Almost everything she owned had been custom tailored before. "Why the hell did I think everything would just fall into place? Why did I ever dream this would be easy?!" She tried to stand and storm to the privacy of her bathroom to fall apart, but the moved chair meant there was nothing but open space. Anger building, she tried to shove the offending chair, only to crash back against the bed. When Daisy jumped to try and help, she glared at her. "I can't get dressed in my own clothes! I need a break after taking a walk!" She gestured to the hall. "I can't even storm off and have some privacy! And I can't even-!" She clamped her mouth shut. </p><p>Hesitantly, Daisy pressed. "Can't what, Nadine?"</p><p>It hurt to admit it, but with the heavy chair moved, it was her current reality. "I can't even get to the damned bathroom on my own without something to grab ahold of."</p><p>The room was silent for several seconds. "Do... Do you need help getting to the bathroom?"</p><p>It was only because of how small Daisy sounded that Nadine didn't lash out again. Well, that and the fact she was now acutely aware of how much she needed to pee. "...Please."</p><p>Daisy offered her arm and acted as the bridge to the doorway, not saying another word until Nadine was back to the bed. “I could do some shopping and get you something smaller?”</p><p>“I- I don’t even know what size I am now.” She huffed. She was tired of being in the hospital, tired of wearing the horrible hospital-issued garb. “Would you find something though?”</p><p>“Of course.” Daisy stood. “I can go now if you’d like.”</p><p>Nadine was surprised, they almost never left her on her own except for the small windows of time between their shifts.</p><p>“Look, I know you like your privacy and we haven’t exactly been giving you that. I’ll have my phone on me, you can call me as much as you’d like. I’ll find a couple things to get you through the next week or so and then we can do some shopping once you’re discharged.” She smiled. “But… I fully expect that this will be only temporary. By the time you’re back to work, you’ll be back to your old self.”</p><p>She was confused now. “I’ll be back as soon as I’m discharged.”</p><p>“No, Nadine, you won’t.”</p><p>As soon as Daisy had gone again, her doctor and several nurses came in to look her over. When the bandages around her wrists were removed, she closed her eyes as she’d always done.</p><p>“I think these are healed enough to leave bandages off.”</p><p>“What?” Her eyes opened, staring quickly down at her wrists.</p><p>“No infection, the skin is healing well, it’s time to let your body just do its thing. The scars will fade a bit more in time.”</p><p>The skin was puckered and pink, wide lines that acted as reminders of what she’d been through. “Th- thank you.”</p><p>“Everything else looks good.” The doctor looked around the room. “No friend today?”</p><p>“Daisy. She went out for something, she’ll be back.”</p><p>“Okay, well… They have been excellent in keeping us informed on what you’ve been managing to eat and as long as I can be assured you’ll still be getting that level of attention, I don’t see why we can’t let you go home tomorrow.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>She nodded. “The physical part of what you’ve been through is mostly over. That means my part is done.”</p><p>“Thank you.” She repeated.</p>
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<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nadine worked on pulling her shoes on while Jay filled a bag with the things that had made their way in over the past weeks. She was eager to get out of the hospital. “Is that everything?” She sat upright and watched as he hefted the bag to his shoulder and moved to where she was seated.</p><p>“I think so.” He waited for her to stand up and then offered his arm. “Ready?” He had witnessed how far she’d come, but wasn’t willing to let her tired herself out or stumble and fall when the freedom they all knew she so desperately desired was only minutes away.</p><p>“Very.” She clung to his sleeve as they walked slowly down the hall. She was thankful the elevators weren’t far away as it gave her time to catch her breath. Inside, he shifted so she was leaned against one wall. “I feel so out of shape.” She smirked.</p><p>“Well, you’ve been essentially bed-bound for several months and went through a pretty traumatic thing as well. It makes sense your body isn’t used to getting around just yet.” Jay flashed a grin her way. “You’ll be back to running laps around the rest of us in no time.”</p><p>The elevator dinged before she could respond. At the exit, she was shocked to find Elizabeth’s motorcade idling at the curb. “The Secretary came?”</p><p>Jay only smiled, leaving the bags on the walk before opening the door. Inside, Elizabeth was on the far side and Matt and Daisy were leaned forward over the seat.</p><p>“They all came.” She should’ve expected that. She’d woke to more than one conversation in previous days about her homecoming.</p><p>Jay tucked his hand under her arm to help ease her up into the tall vehicle. “Up you get.” As she climbed in, Elizabeth got out and then there was a shuffling as Jay put the bags in the back and then climb in beside Matt before Elizabeth got in again.</p><p>“Blake drew the short straw to ride alone?” She looked around.</p><p>“No. He did some grocery shopping and then went straight to your place.”</p><p>=MS=</p><p>Her home looked no different than it did before, and the familiarity felt good even as the others took it upon themselves to take over her kitchen and living room. She stayed willingly right where she’d been directed and savored the cheerful atmosphere around her. At the hospital, they’d done their best to keep voices low so they weren’t disruptive, but here it was a party.</p><p>Slowly, the others bid their goodbyes until she was alone with Elizabeth who was finishing up wiping down the kitchen counter. Carefully, Nadine crossed to the stools and pulled one out to take a seat. “Thank you.”</p><p>Elizabeth looked up. “For what?”</p><p>“For not giving up… For not walking away. Surely it would be easier to simply replace me and move on with your life.”</p><p>“Maybe.” She kept wiping. “But you’re more than my employee, Nadine. You are…” She drew a breath and carefully blew it out. “I respect you. I- You are my friend. I just want to do everything I can to support you exactly how you’ve always supported me.” She dried her hands and came around the counter. "I know I’ve kind of left the others to sit with you recently, but some of that was I was afraid I’d get too emotional and didn’t want to pile on.”</p><p>Feeling emotional herself, Nadine could only nod. When Elizabeth stepped forward, arms out in an offer of a hug, she welcomed it. By now she’d been hugged repeatedly by all the others anyway.</p><p>“Now, are you going to be okay here on your own?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“We’ll call and check in on you. We’ll still be stopping in and visiting in person. Blake has a schedule in his phone of everything to be tracked as far as your therapy and making sure you eat enough.” She smirked. “According to him, I’ve been the perfect training for such a task.”</p><p>Nadine couldn’t help the small laugh at that. “Lots of company and phone calls whether I want them or not, got it.”</p><p>“It’s because we all love you, you know.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“I know bouncing back isn’t going to happen as fast as you’d like, but I promise you, we’re all right here until it happens… And even then, we’ll be right here after too.”</p><p>“Thank you. Really.”</p><p>Once Elizabeth had left, she was determined to return to her normal life as fast as possible. Someone had been in regularly to keep the place clean, and Blake had done a superb job stocking the kitchen with fresh food, but it was nice to try and go through the routine of caring for her familiar space. Physical activity was still laborious, she had to hold onto things to not sap her energy quickly, but she managed.</p>
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<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Three days into her newfound freedom, Nadine decided to start branching out. She’d gone from being trapped in a room in Roger’s house to being contained into a single room, aside from moments walking the halls, in the hospital. The trip between the two she’d made unconscious and, according to her friends, in critical condition. For the trip home finally, she’d been aware, but eagerness over her freedom and the presence of the others had kept her from really thinking too hard about the big wide world outside the windows.</p><p>Now she was home and while it was freeing, she had stayed closed up again, her world reduced to fifteen hundred square feet and limited to only the people who turned up several times a day. In order to go back to work, however, she’d need to be able to leave her condo and face the world.</p><p>Nadine had lived on her own since she was barely eighteen with only occasional periods of time cohabitating, how hard could going about life as she’d always done really be?</p><p>Digging through her closet, she pulled out a jacket to help protect her against the chill she now always felt. Her favorite gray one was gone, which broke her heart. Shoving her phone and key in the pockets, Nadine reached for the door handle as her hand began to shake.</p><p>The last time she’d opened that door on her own, she’d not come back. She’d walked down to the garage, laden with her things, and had vanished.</p><p>Forcing her spine straight, Nadine focused on walking to the elevator. It felt like it was miles away now instead of a few dozen feet. She had to brace herself with one hand on the wall, but she managed slow, even steps. It wasn’t that big of a deal, she told herself. Nothing wrong with just heading for the elevator. The elevator wasn’t dangerous. Nothing in this building was dangerous.</p><p>During the ride to the ground floor, the rest of her body began to shake as well.</p><p>Stepping into the parking garage, a blast of air slammed into her much like it had months ago, making her gasp at its force. Despite the chilly wind cutting through her, her body began to heat up. She couldn’t breathe. Visions of Roger appearing from around a post flooded her mind and she gasped. She didn’t want to be rushed back there again. She didn’t want the memories of Roger as he leered at her, as he leaned in, boxing her in so she couldn’t run away.</p><p>Stumbling, she kept her eyes on the exit off the side of the building, determined to make it to her goal. Her legs began to feel like lead, however, and it felt like she was beginning to sway. This, out here, this was where Roger had watched her, had grabbed her. This was where she’d been vulnerable. It was where she’d always be vulnerable. She’d never be free.</p><p>Her mind played tricks, echoes sounded like Roger’s voice, footsteps sounded but when she turned, no one was there. Her body ached as it attempted to find air that just wasn’t there anymore, and tears formed in her eyes. She made it to the door and shoved it open, dropping to the ground with her back to the wall. A small part of her brain said it was still brisk, but she felt like an inferno in the jacket, so with fumbling fingers she got it off. The world around her began to spin, the sway of it made her stomach churn. Desperately, she pressed against the ground, whimpering as the tilting and rolling only got worse.</p><p>She heard footsteps coming up the sidewalk and then someone speaking to her, she curled up and pulled away. The person didn’t leave, though. Instead, they knelt and tried to talk to her. She had no idea who they were or what they wanted, only that she didn’t want to be a victim again, she didn’t want to be vulnerable.</p><p>“Please don’t.” She whimpered, unsure who the person was. “No more.” There were tears running down her face now. Her mind screamed that the world wasn’t safe, <em>she</em> wasn’t safe. Anyone could hurt her, kill her. This person leaning over her could be the final straw.</p><p>There were hands on her, which made her jerk violently away, slapping angrily at them. The hands pulled back but then they were rummaging through her jacket pockets.</p><p>“No!” She shouted it, repeating as she begged. She tried pawing the coat away from them to no avail. Blearily, she watched as her own phone appeared and the stranger tapped the screen before holding it out, but she didn’t understand what they were asking. Confused and scared, she clamped her eyes shut and descended, as she’d done when things with Roger had gotten to be just too much, into her own mind and away from her attacker and whatever they planned to do to her now.</p>
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<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Secretary McCord’s office.” Blake answered his phone, eyes never leaving what he was doing.</p><p>“Hi- I’m, uh… My name is Whitney. There’s a person, she’s… she looks to be in some kind of trouble, and I couldn’t get her to unlock her phone, but this number was on her ICE screen.”</p><p>Blake frowned. “Who?” He couldn’t think of anyone off the top of his head that would have his direct line as their emergency contact.</p><p>“I don’t know. She’s- she hasn’t said much of anything except to ask me to not do something. It didn’t make any sense. I didn’t know if I should be calling an ambulance first or… you. I think something’s really wrong.”</p><p>A crease formed between his brows. “Where are you?”</p><p>There was a pause and he guessed she was looking around. “Outside the Harbor Condos.”</p><p>“Shit!” Blake surged to his feet. “Can you- Can you stay there with her? We’ll be there in just a few minutes. Does it look like she needs an ambulance? Is she hurt?” Visions of Nadine injured again only days after coming home rushed through his mind.</p><p>“She doesn’t- she doesn’t look hurt? Just… very upset. I don’t think she knows I’m me, I don’t know if that makes sense. She’s… maybe in some kind of crisis? She’s curled up on the ground shaking and crying.”</p><p>“Okay. Don’t- don’t try to force her to do anything. If she wants to lay there just… can you please stay with her? If she gets up or tries to run, can you just keep an eye on her?” He wanted to run into Elizabeth’s office, but was stuck in place until the call was over.</p><p>“Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“Wait! What’s- what’s her name?”</p><p>“Right. It’s Nadine. She’s… I don’t think she’ll do anything to hurt you, not intentionally anyway, but I… We’ll be there as fast as possible.” He slammed the phone down and rushed to the inner office. “We have to go.” He rounded Elizabeth’s desk and reached for her bag.</p><p>“Wha- Why?” She was already following him back to the door.</p><p>“Something’s wrong with Nadine.”</p><p>=MS=</p><p>The motorcade started to circle the block. On the second street, Blake spotted a woman his own age anxiously pacing. “There!” He was out of the SUV before it came to a complete stop. “Whitney?”</p><p>The woman turned. “Are you-?”</p><p>“Blake, yes, we spoke on the phone.”</p><p>Whitney pointed. “Over here.”</p><p>He didn’t even wait to be sure Elizabeth was following him. Tucked off the main sidewalk, curled into a protective position, was Nadine. He sat on the cement but didn’t reach out. “Nadine? It’s Blake. You’re safe now. Can you listen to my voice?” Handling someone in crisis was a skill he’d, sadly, developed over the past few years. He knew not to rush Nadine, not to push her at all, just be a presence.</p><p>He was peripherally aware as Elizabeth spoke to Whitney and accepted Nadine’s phone before the latter left them alone.</p><p>“How is she?” Elizabeth whispered as she crouched beside him.</p><p>“Hasn’t responded. I don’t… I don’t know what would’ve brought this on? She’s seemed fine.” It was, frankly, distressing to see Nadine so far out of sorts.</p><p>She sighed. “She’s outside.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>She only shook her head. “Is she calming down?”</p><p>“I think she’s nearly catatonic.” He gentle cupped Nadine’s shoulder and got no response. “She could be out of it for a while.”</p><p>“Okay.” She stood again, waving Frank over. “Frank, can you carefully carry her upstairs? Be- be careful. If she comes to, she might freak out.” To Blake she continued. “Call Doctor Sherman and ask her to come meet us here?”</p><p>“Yes, Ma’am.” He pulled out his phone as he stepped aside, watching with trepidation as Frank lifted Nadine off the ground.</p><p>=MS=</p><p>Upstairs, Blake kept himself busy pulling out blankets and making something to drink while they waited for Doctor Sherman to arrive and for Nadine to wake up.</p><p>“She’ll get through this, Blake.”</p><p>He turned at Elizabeth’s voice. “How can you be so sure?”</p><p>Her head tipped to the side. “Because we’ll be there for her. I know you’ll never give up on her no matter how bad it gets.” She gave a small shrug, eyes slipping to the couch a moment. “I’m sorry that you know how to handle a person in crisis, but I’m sure at some point she’ll be thankful.”</p><p>=MS=</p><p>Nadine woke to find herself under possibly every blanket she owned as she laid on her couch. Somewhere out of sight, there were voices talking softly. Turning on her side, she slowly pushed up, searching for the voices, and finding Elizabeth, Blake, and a woman she didn’t know sitting at her table.</p><p>Noticing she was awake, Blake silently rose and moved to the kitchen, making some tea before bringing it to her. “Here you go.” His voice was soft, his eyes worried. He had no idea yet what sort of condition she would be in as she worked to get her bearings. Experience taught him to tread lightly until she initiated how to proceed.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>As he backed away, the two women crossed to sit in her living room. “Nadine, this is Doctor Sherman. She’s the doctor I’ve been seeing since Iran. I called her because she has a lot of experience with PTSD.”</p><p>Clearly something had happened, even if she couldn’t remember yet what it was. “What happened?”</p><p>Elizabeth glanced at the other two before turning back to her. “We think you tried to go out for a walk maybe. You had a major panic attack and dissociated. A stranger saw you and called Blake. We came to you as fast as we could.”</p><p>“Wh- where?”</p><p>“Just outside the garage downstairs.”</p><p>Her brows pulled together. “Then how’d I get back here?”</p><p>“Once you seemed to be through the worst of it, I had Frank carry you back up here. I didn’t let any of the others come, Nadine, because I knew you’d feel embarrassed. Blake and I will be going shortly, but you know I won’t ever judge you for needing time to get past this. I wanted to introduce you to Doctor Sherman though because I think, when you’re ready, she can really help.”</p><p>Nadine looked between the three of them. “I couldn’t even leave my home without falling apart. How will I ever go back to work if I can’t leave the house?” She stared down at her hands, at the scars still so obvious around her wrists. As was becoming the norm, hot tears burned her eyes.</p><p>“You’ll get there.” Blake’s soft voice pulled her attention away. “We’ll get you there. If it means someone comes and gets you every day and walks you to your car? Or- or drives you anywhere you need to go? Well, we’re all okay with that. I- I’m okay with that.” He seemed to hesitate a moment. “I know that the one thing you want more than anything else in the world is to get your old life back. We all get that. And I know having us coddle you will make you angry some days, but… please remember that we want you to have your old life back too.” He paused another moment before excusing himself and leaving her condo.</p><p>“Do you- do you remember my first panic attack?”</p><p>Nadine nodded to Elizabeth.</p><p>“And you remember I had days where it seemed like I was close to another one.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“I had them for months. Actual panic attacks. Sometimes in my office, the motorcade a lot… while we travelled…” Elizabeth pointed at the now closed front door and then dropped her hand back to her lap. “Outside of Henry, and Doctor Sherman, only one person ever knew.” She stood to leave as well. “I will never think you can’t do your job because of them, Nadine, but I will always understand if you need time or if you need support. And if I can’t give it? He’ll always make sure you get what you need.” She bid a soft farewell to Doctor Sherman and then left as well.</p><p>The doctor sat quietly for a minute, simply reading over Nadine before speaking. “I would like to share something with you, I’ve already been given permission to do it, if that’s okay?”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“It’s about Elizabeth and this year so far.”</p><p>She pressed her lips together, curious, and then gave a small nod.</p><p>“I was told that Blake and another member of your team were the ones to discover you were missing.”</p><p>“Jay, yes.” She’d gotten out of them what had happened that day.</p><p>“I speak to Blake often, unofficially. He calls and requests appointments for Elizabeth and I get the feeling that from time to time he does it based on his own read of her rather than at her request.” She smiled. “He called me and made an appointment <em>before</em> he even told her you were gone. She was very upset… She was determined that you would be found at all costs.”</p><p>“I’m not surprised.”</p><p>Doctor Sherman chuckled. “No, I suppose not. I wanted to share… the day you were found, I assume you have little recollection of that day?”</p><p>“No, none at all. I don’t think I woke up for several days after that.”</p><p>“Blake brought her to my office from wherever they’d watched you be rescued. In that moment, there was a reasonable fear that they’d been too late and everything she’d been carrying for months just poured out. By the time she left, though, after a panic attack of her own, she was determined that you would get through this and… every week since? She’s told me that no matter what it takes, she fully intends to see you out the other side of this.” She leaned forward. “Those weren’t just words, from either of them, they are both determined to do whatever you need to get you well again.”</p><p>“I’m- I’m not sure what I need.”</p><p>“That’s okay.”</p>
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<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chapter 28</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nadine had to admit, she could see what Elizabeth liked about Doctor Sherman so much. After the first session which had been relatively quiet, she’d opened up about the entire experience with Roger and some of her more deep-seated fears she’d carried most of her life. Doctor Sherman had also suggested practicing getting out of the condo with others present, a bit of desensitization, taking it only one step at a time until she could do it alone.</p><p>The first week, she’d barely made it out the door before they turned back. As soon as she started to become distraught, whoever was with her never commented, only turned them back to the safety of her home. She’d spent days being embarrassed at her reactions to something so basic, how would they ever trust her to lead them again if she fell apart at the thought of fresh air?</p><p>The walks grew longer, both as her strength came back to her and the fear began to ebb. As they did, as they began to venture out of the building and around the block, another thought began to plague her mind. It was nearly summer and she hadn’t been to work since just after the new year. Jay and Elizabeth had both said she still had a job, but surely the spot wouldn’t be held forever, not to mention that even her backlog of unused vacation time would have run out by now. Her finances should have been nearly dried up, her insurance should have been dropped since she had no wages paying in, but everything kept ticking along as normal.</p><p>On top of all that, her coworkers never once hinted that their visits would soon stop. They melded their own lives into visiting her. She’d found herself watching a movie or some game with one or more of them, Jay occasionally brought Chloe, Elizabeth brought Alison, Blake brought music… and his cat from time to time. Deep down, she loved having them over. She loved not being trapped alone. They made her feel like her life, as limited as it still was, was normal enough.</p><p>=MS=</p><p>Opening the door to find Elizabeth with Alison at her side hadn’t really surprised her, not after the most recent tearful admission to her boss while sitting in her bedroom.</p><p>Two days prior, Elizabeth had wandered after her into the master suite when she’d gone to fetch something. She hadn’t even worried about it until the questions had come, until Elizabeth had noticed the towel hanging over the vanity mirror in the bathroom. She’d broken down then, admitting that she still hated how she looked, hated how everything hung off her body, how her face still hadn’t filled back out, and how she didn’t look like herself anymore.</p><p>Alison was laden down with boxes, bags, and a grin as she cheerfully entered ahead of her mother. “I’m here to help figure it out, Nadine.”</p><p>The first ‘it’ turned out to be more makeup than Nadine was sure she’d ever seen outside of perhaps a store. She let Alison get her settled into a chair and watched silently as she pulled out item after item, focused on making her look the best she could.</p><p>“There.” Ali stepped back with a bounce. “Ready to have a look?” She reached for a mirror but didn’t instantly turn it over.</p><p>Nadine was thankful that the young woman was so perceptive as to give her time to prepare herself. After a moment, she nodded and then braced herself as the mirror turned. She still looked too thin, but there was color to her cheeks now and her skin didn’t look disturbingly white. It didn’t look like she was wearing much makeup at all, just hints here and there, on her eyes and a small bit of color on her lips. “I- I’m not sure what to say… Thank you.” She smiled as she fought back tears, not wanting to ruin Alison’s work.</p><p>“No problem. Now, your hair? I can do something with it if you want?” Alison’s fingers brushed along where she kept it clipped back all the time now.</p><p>It was longer than she’d let it grow since she was in her twenties and the color wasn’t even really brown anymore. Making an appointment at a salon was on her list of things to be done once leaving her apartment didn’t send her into a panic attack, but as of yet, it hadn’t happened. “Like- like what?”</p><p>Ali shrugged. “I help friends dye their hair, if you want that. I could trim it up too, I swear I’m pretty good and curly hair is so much easier than straight. I could do anything really.” She began rummaging around in her things. “I have rollers. I have… you name it. I have anything.”</p><p>“Shouldn’t… shouldn’t we have done this before my makeup?”</p><p>She laughed. “Probably, but oh well. It just gives us another opportunity to do it again. So… what’ll it be?”</p><p>Nadine looked toward Elizabeth, who’d been quietly watching the entire time. Honestly, she had no idea what she wanted done, the chance to do anything with her hair hadn’t been on her radar yet. “What do you think?”</p><p>Slowly, Elizabeth stood and moved to a chair at the table, clearly working out how to answer before starting to speak. “I know… I know that you have always taken pride in your appearance and I know… I <em>suspect</em> that returning to a bit of your old self appearance-wise will help you deal with everything else you still have to overcome.” She sighed. “Which is why I brought Ali over in the first place. So, what would make you feel like you again?”</p><p>Nadine rolled that question over in her head. “I do want the gray covered again. And- and it’s a bit too long to really be professional on someone my age.” She watched Alison nod as she chewed her lip. “We could start there?’</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>An hour passed, one that ended up filled with laughter, as they’d moved to her bathroom so Alison could work her magic. Once her hair was several inches shorter again and the correct color, Ali had retouched her makeup before reaching for the towel covering the mirror, glancing back for approval before pulling it away.</p><p>Looking back at her, was herself. Nadine laughed as tears appeared again and she reached out for Ali and hugged her. “Thank you… Thank you.”</p><p>Alison pulled back. “I’m not done. This part, it’s not even what I’m good at.” She took a step back. “I brought my sewing machine. I told Mom that if you picked out one or two items from your closet, I’d be happy to alter them however you need so you have something you’re happy with to wear. Now, I know you’ll eventually want to take it all to a professional, but I thought I could at least do something small for you now.”</p><p>“You don’t have to do that.”</p><p>“But I want to. So, what’ll it be? A dress you like or maybe something for the office? I can do anything.” She backed up, reaching for the closet door.</p><p>“Wait!” Memories of the inside of her closet suddenly rushed forward. “Don’t… don’t open that.”</p><p>Both McCords cautiously stared at her in silence, waiting.</p><p>“I-” She felt herself flush red. “I may have gotten a bit frustrated about the wardrobe situation.” Nervously, she moved to pull the doors open. The rail was bare, as was the shelf above. Everything now lay in a disorganized pile on the floor.</p><p>A hand gently landing on her shoulder had her turning around to face Elizabeth. "We'll help you clean it up." She smiled a bit. "If you want, we can go through and, I don't know... Sort it out? I know I never have time to purge my clothes, the girls end up doing it for me."</p><p>Alison laughed. "You mean we steal your stuff so you have to update it."</p><p>Elizabeth pointed. "Or that."</p><p>Ali came up to Nadine's other side, peering in. "Mom does the same kind of thing every time she needs to 'process'." She included air quotes. "She is a chronic clothes abuser."</p><p>"Alison." Elizabeth warned, concerned her casual attitude would upset Nadine.</p><p>"You know what?" Nadine turned around. "I think it's a lovely idea."</p><p>Alison bounced. "Really? Oh my god, this is going to be so much fun! I could- I could-" she started carefully collecting items from the floor. "Maybe some of these pieces could be matched differently and you could have a whole updated look! If we did it right, it might even solve some of the size problem too!" She vanished back to the bedroom, her voice carrying through the doorway. "It'll be like having a real live dress up barbie!"</p><p>Elizabeth turned. "I'm so sorry. I'll go talk with her."</p><p>Nadine stopped her. "No." She shook her head. "She's fine. It's... I've spent weeks angry and upset about how I look and... Having her so excited just... I guess it helps a bit."</p><p>"Are you sure?" The concern was clear in her voice.</p><p>She started to answer, but Alison called out again.</p><p>"I have a friend that makes awesome jewelry, Nadine." Both women finally joined her in the bedroom as she continued. "She makes modern versions of some of these styles you have. Also, if you want to think on it, she makes these awesome bracelets that are really wide." She held up two shirts and a skirt. "Layers. And these two contrast wonderfully. Here, try them on, I bet once you layer it, it will look great."</p>
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<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Chapter 29</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Matt appeared at her door a week after the visit with Alison, Nadine decided he might be the easiest to get answers from. “Can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Sure, anything.”</p><p>“How come no one has mentioned me missing so much work? I mean, I would have thought the Secretary would’ve replaced me by now.”</p><p>“Oh. Well… you’re still on medical leave and, I don’t know the real details, but I heard MSec talking to HR and the clock on that only started after you were found, so you have tons more time left. Jay and Blake have split your job, MSec has no plans to replace you.”</p><p>“She said that?”</p><p>“Repeatedly and loudly each time Russell Jackson has brought it up. Look… Everyone’s looking forward to the day you come back, but we also know you need to take your time and go slow. You can’t just flip a switch and this never happened.”</p><p>“That’d be nice.”</p><p>“I know. My opinion? I think you’re doing a lot better these days. Now, whether you’re ready to tackle it on your own, I don’t know, I’m not a doctor, but maybe we could start branching out? Really, we need to know what other triggers you have, right?”</p><p>She eyed him. “What do you have in mind?”</p><p>“A drive to the office. You haven’t been in a car since you came home, and wouldn’t it help if you knew that the drive there and <em>being </em>there felt safe to you? That this wasn’t going to be endless obstacles?”</p><p>“I suppose. But… What if it doesn’t feel safe? What if what happened before, happens again?”</p><p>“Then you come home. Then we deal with it just as we’ve dealt with everything else. I could drive you. Just say when and we’ll go.”</p><p>“You don’t want to run it by Doctor Sherman?”</p><p>He shrugged. “You’re an adult of sound mind. I trust your judgment more than I usually trust my own.”</p><p>“Is that wise now?”</p><p>Matt turned to face her. “Nadine… You figured out how to get a message to us. You- you kept a clear enough head to communicate to security and save yourself. Yes, I trust your judgment.”</p><p>He’d clearly thought about it. “And if I said let’s go now?”</p><p>“I’d suggest getting a jacket for you. I know I don’t normally say anything, but I am aware of how much you still feel cold, but then there’s still nothing to you now to keep you very warm. But other than that...”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Before she knew it, they were in his car and headed for Foggy Bottom. It felt a bit like skipping school and it left her giddy.</p><p>“Nervous? Anxious?”</p><p>She looked his way. “Nervous maybe. Excited. But not anxious, no.”</p><p>“That’s good. So maybe driving won’t be a problem.”</p><p>She didn’t bother to respond, and they lapsed into silence as she stared at the passing world as they drove. Once they were in Matt’s parking spot, she walked at his side, hand gripping his arm, as they headed for the elevator and then rode up. Nerves were starting to make her feel like she needed to pace, but she did her best to stay still.</p><p>On the seventh floor, she paused and really took it in. It looked somehow both the same and fresh and new all at once. She hadn’t seen Matt text anyone, but still she was surprised when there was no small commotion at her sudden presence.</p><p>“Where to first?”</p><p>“Um… This way.” She pointed toward the back hall that cut past their offices, thankful he stayed at her side until they reached Elizabeth’s door. She’d peered into each glass room, noticing small details she’d never given the time of day before.</p><p>Matt reached up and knocked on the open door. “Look who I found.”</p><p>Elizabeth looked up and then a double take. “Nadine!” She rushed around her desk. “What’s… What’s all this?”</p><p>“Matt thought I should try and get out, see if there were any other triggers waiting for me.”</p><p>“Way to throw me under the bus.”</p><p>“And?!”</p><p>“The ride over was fine. Being here is fine.”</p><p>“Great!”</p><p>“I- I think I’m ready to start thinking about coming back.”</p><p>Elizabeth led them to the sofa. “I don’t want you too overwhelmed. That’s a big step and while we’re all ready as soon as you are, I don’t want you to feel like you need to rush.”</p><p>“No, no. This was good. Matt driving me here was good. Obviously, I don’t know how it’ll go if I try and make the drive myself, but I don’t feel anxious being here.”</p><p>“We could drive you.” Matt offered. “At least in the beginning. Maybe in for the morning meeting and then play the day by ear? If you want to go home, one of us will take you.”</p><p>“I need to be able to drive again. I can’t just be chauffeured around everywhere.”</p><p>He snorted, grinning. “You say in front of our boss who hasn’t driven herself anywhere in years.”</p><p>“For everyone’s own good, she’s a horrid driver.” Blake swept in, belatedly seeing who Matt had been speaking to. “Nadine!” He didn’t hold back from hugging her. “Wait…” He seemed to connect the conversation he’d walked in on. “You’re coming back?”</p><p>“I thought about it.”</p><p>“I will drive you wherever you need to go. I’m sure Jay will say the same.”</p><p>“I need to drive myself.”</p><p>“Ah.” He made a circle with one finger. “I follow now. One step at a time, let’s get you back behind your desk where you belong and then we can worry about that later. One of us could ride in with you, that way if you do have a hard time, we can just take over driving.” He waved a hand. “We’ll work it out later. I’m going to go tell the other two you’re back!” He vanished out the door again.</p><p>When Elizabeth and Matt turned back to her, Nadine laughed. “I guess I’m coming back!”</p>
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<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Chapter 30</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Summer was in full swing before Nadine sat behind her desk again for good. Smoothing her hands over the dress she’d picked out, the one Alison had altered for her, she clipped her badge in place and straightened the pens on her desk. Looking up, Nadine’s eyes went to the window between the offices. Through the glass looking back at her, all wearing grins, were Jay, Daisy, and Matt. She returned their smile before attempting to force it away. “Get to work!” She called out, attempting to sound stern. She knew they were happy to have her back at the helm, none of them had been quiet about it, but it was time to get down to business. There were meetings to attend and a busy schedule to see to, most of which kept her firmly in her own office or the conference room. For now, she was allowing Blake and Elizabeth's worries to dictate how much she did.</p>
<p>Elizabeth had promised that each week, they’d ease up on the protectiveness. Nadine suspected that she'd have to push back eventually to get them to actually follow through on that promise, but until then, she was willing to let them have that security of knowing where she was at all times. </p>
<p>She still had difficulty writing for very long or carrying as much as she’d done before and she’d given up trying to put the rest of the lost weight on, but she was thrilled to be back. There was comfort in the work, in knowing exactly what to expect and where she stood with the people around her.</p>
<p>“Ready?” Blake was standing in her doorway.</p>
<p>She blinked at his sudden appeared and then started to rise. “Yes.”</p>
<p>He stepped in, pointing at a stack of three binders. “These ones?” At her nod, he scooped them up. “I have Earl Gray in the conference room this morning and I made extra stops on the way in, so we have the usual donuts plus mini quiches and yogurt with fresh berries.”</p>
<p>She kept pace with his stride, not pointing out that she knew he was walking slower than usual. “Wow, you really went all out!”</p>
<p>He shrugged. “I wanted to be sure that you have plenty of good options available to eat to keep you going. I know you’ll go for the yogurt and eggs, but a donut or two wouldn’t hurt either.” He teased.</p>
<p>Nadine glanced up at him. “You’re going to just spend all day trying to feed me, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>If possible, his smile only grew. “And keep in mind when you try to fight me, that I am used to the Secretary’s herculean efforts at not eating what I want her to, when I want her to eat it. She thinks I don’t see when she palms a muffin or gets someone else to smuggle cookies in. Though I’m not about to deny you a muffin or cookie.” He stepped aside at the doorway and let her enter first. “I’m just trying to look after you like you deserve.”</p>
<p>“I appreciate it.” She really did, even if she knew he’d probably drive her nuts later. By the time she was settled into her usual chair, Blake was placing her tea and a plate at her side. She gave him a smile of thanks as the others entered, settling across the table. Nadine pushed her glasses on and opened the first binder as she threaded her pen between her fingers. The schedule was all in order, so she picked at some of the breakfast until the vestibule door opened and Elizabeth swept in talking about her early meeting with Dalton.</p>
<p>Conversation flowed as Elizabeth plated her own food, only to have Blake follow her to her chair, dropping the updated schedule in front of her before replacing the giant raspberry muffin with yogurt with raspberries on top. Elizabeth paused, a pleased grin dancing across her face at the sight of Nadine in the chair beside her again before it shifted into a teasing smirk. "Why'd he take my muffin and not yours?"</p>
<p>"Because she's needing to put on weight and you're-" Blake cut himself off suddenly as if he hadn't realized he'd started to speak out loud. Rushing, he headed for the door. "I have calls to make, I'm very busy."</p>
<p>Once he vanished, Nadine couldn't help laughing. "Here." She peeled the paper off the muffin and broke it in two, placing one half on a napkin and tugging it across to Elizabeth. "I'll share."</p>
<p>Someone snorted and they both looked up at Jay and Matt who were shaking their heads and grinning. Jay reached for his own muffin. "You two are going to drive him to drinking if you start conspiring on the food thing."</p>
<p>Nadine exchanged a look with Elizabeth a moment. "We are perfectly capable adults, you know."</p>
<p>"We know." Matt laughed before straightening in his seat. "So, Nadine, what are we starting with today?"</p>
<p>"Right."</p>
<p> </p>
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<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Chapter 31</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was her first trip overseas since before Christmas, she’d sat out two after returning to work, worried about what could happen on a diplomatic trip. She still struggled with moments of her PTSD symptoms rearing their head. She sometimes found herself unable to work in a room that was particularly small and for the first time ever, she was thankful her own office was more glass than anything else. There were days she worked in either of the conference rooms and, often, when she spread out in the one just off Elizabeth's office, one of the others would eventually wander in to work as well. </p><p>The flight had been easy, probably because nothing to do with Roger had involved a plane. It’d helped having the others so happily keeping her mind on other things. There'd been several rounds of snack mix poker which had been good fun, no one had near the poker face she did. </p><p>At the hotel, Nadine found herself in a suite that opened via internal door to Elizabeth’s larger suite, a small detail for which she was thankful. A small part of her was hesitant about how she’d handle waking up in a strange room, especially if she had another nightmare. Elizabeth had unlocked and propped open the door on her side, so all Nadine ever had to do was open the one on hers and she wasn't alone. The simple option of connection helped her relax into being on the trip.</p><p>The venues they had to walk through were huge, her energy flagged much more quickly than it’d done the year prior, but before she could even mention she needed a break, Matt was guiding her to a chair down a side hallway. He’d fetched her some water and then sat, pretending it was a totally normal thing to be waiting until she thought she could carry on with their day. When they rejoined the others a half hour later, Elizabeth had simply picked up where they'd left off, never once drawing attention to the things Nadine still viewed as weaknesses in herself. </p><p>The days carried on much the same. Matt was attentive to how much energy she was burning, Blake seemed to always have food on hand, not that that actually surprised her anyway, and Daisy had offered to help her with anything else she needed. It wasn’t until the formal dinner, however, that her carefully constructed image cracked.</p><p>=MS=</p><p>The banquet hall was large, set up to hold a hundred and fifty people at least. Nadine could feel eyes on her, and this time she could tell their staring was appreciative. The dress she’d found for the evening, with Alison’s help, was navy and hugged every inch of her body clear to the floor. The fabric gathered a bit on the bodice, but then it was nothing but clean lines everywhere else. It was simple, tasteful, elegant, and made everyone stare. She'd been concerned initially because the dress was sleeveless and up to that point she'd only worn long sleeves to cover her scars. Alison had come through again, though, finding the softest cuff bracelets Nadine had ever seen that went perfectly with the dress. They stayed in place, hiding her scars, and were almost weightless so she didn't feel confined. She had to admit, she felt more confident than she had in a long time.</p><p>Through the meal, she’d kept close to Elizabeth’s side. Even at an event like this, work dealings were still discussed and she needed to be on her game. Once the band started up and people shifted toward the dance floor, she found herself anxious over the crowd. People milling about, the noise of chatter in a litany of different languages, it pressed in but she took deep breaths and reminded herself that this was a safe place.</p><p>Matt danced with her first before sweeping Daisy off to another part of the room. Blake took her by the hand next, which she enjoyed immensely. He loved to dance and was very good at it, so she never complained as they took over a small part of the floor to show off a bit. She’d expected Jay to commandeer her next, but until he turned up, she wandered the room.</p><p>A man, a member of another delegation’s staff, suddenly was walking toward her and her breath stopped. The man was the spitting image of Roger.</p><p>Nadine felt her hands begin to shake as her breath caught in her throat. Her mind raced, screaming that she needed to get away from him as fast as possible! Stumbling, she tried to find an exit, any exit, somewhere to flee to safety.</p><p>A hand on her shoulder made her nearly scream.</p><p>“Nadine!”</p><p>An arm was around her, leading her, finally, to a door and into a side room. Her whole body was shaking now. She pressed one hand to her mouth to keep from making a sound. She didn’t feel safe. She felt like crawling out of her own skin.</p><p>“Hey, can you tell the Secretary I’m taking Nadine back to the hotel? I’m- I’m not sure, but something happened… Yeah, yeah… Thanks.”</p><p>At the sound of the beep signaling the call was over, Nadine looked up at Jay. “We’re leaving?” She was still shaking, but having him there gave her something else to focus on.</p><p>He nodded. “We’re leaving. Come on, let’s go.” He shrugged out of his tux coat and draped it over her shoulders. “Don’t try to make sense of it, just breathe.</p><p>Outside, a light rain had started and she pushed her arms into the sleeves, tugging the sides closed around her body. She followed as Jay got her into one of the SUVs and then they rode in silence back to their hotel. “I don’t know why I got so upset.”</p><p>“You don’t have to.” When they climbed out again, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. “You’re okay.”</p><p>“I- I can’t be having a panic attack at every function for the rest of my life.”</p><p>“You won’t.”</p><p>“You sound awfully certain of that.”</p><p>“Because I am.” Once they were in her room, he caught her by both shoulders, holding her facing him. “You are fine, Nadine. There is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. So, tonight something bothered you and we came back early, who cares? We’ll take some time to help you feel calm and then we’ll work out what it was and go from there.”</p><p>She looked up at him, still not completely sure.</p><p>“If one of us has to be at your side for every single one of these events, we’ll do it. I know I have no problem with having you on my arm all night.” He smirked. “Whatever it takes.”</p><p>His sincerity struck her and she realized, she wasn’t alone. She had a family that was willing to surround her and keep her up when she faltered. She was thankful she had them.</p>
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